In which Demi wishes everyone...

A very merry Christmas :)

♥

It's not even cold here, which is the only problem. We've never known such a mild Christmas!!  My grandparents are over, and we are all feeling very blessed and loved after vegging out watching Christmas films after my mum's deeeeeelicious dinner. I look forward to Christmas dinner take two tomorrow night!

More later in the week, but for now, I hope everyone has/ has had a really wonderful time, whatever you celebrate :) xo.

A tired Demi, after a lovely day. Wearing my lovely Primark jumper dress, which is both festive and dressy!

In which Demi is delighted :)

I have packed up my life temporarily and relocated back in t'North, as my dear Fryn would say. Home for Christmas, and I couldn't be happier. Only 36 hours in, and I've already had a delicious roast dinner and gone to buy our Christmas tree! We went to three different vendors, only to return to the first (and nearest) place after all! We'd tried to hide our potential tree, but someone had spotted it and snatched it up :( The one we ended up with isn't too bad though :) Mum has announced that this year's colour scheme (yes, we're a house that does colour schemes... and no, we're not allowed tinsel. My Mum's one of those types, who think it's tacky. Pfft.) is silver and gold, which looks quite nice, although I like a bit more colour to be mixed in, personally.

Christmas jumpers and tiger onesies galore in our house :D

My second reason for being delighted is that my favourite couple, Harry Judd and Aliona won Strictly Come Dancing last night!!!!!! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I was a fan of theirs from the very start, and it was brilliant to find out I'd also pulled the pairing for the sweepstakes that our family friends were running. I won £20, which I'll be using to treat myself in the Christmas sales :D

 

Marry me Harry?

AND, as the cherry on top of my little happy cake, I'm seeing my darling Elf for the first time in months tomorrow, for a coffee date and a much needed catch-up :)

The term ended on a lovely high, with an addition to our house (a vibrant blue plush crocodile, by the name of Nigel. Don't ask.) and a lovely house Christmas, where we exchanged Secret Santa gifts. Thankfully I seemed to tick all the right boxes with my gift of an OPI nail varnish, which Sugar had been eyeing wistfully since the summer. I received a lovely mug (regular readers will know of my immense love for tea by now!), with the slogan 'Brew up and sleep in'. Everyone laughed (an almost embarrassing amount), as I have become rather infamous for my love of tea and lie-ins in the house. Perfect gifts all round. My particular favourite, as I think everyone's was, happened to be Sugar's gift of a Cliff Richards calendar to lovely Fryn. Yes, it might seem a bit strange to gift her with a calendar of a wrinkly old singer (who I'm pretty sure is being cryogenically frozen every night to keep going...), but given her love for Christmas, and in particular Cliff's Christmas CD, which she likes to sing incessantly around the house once October hits... it was the perfect choice :)

In the run up to Christmas, I hope to polish off the shortest of my three essays (which, at 3000 words, is still hardly short), finish off my Christmas shopping, and have a catch-up with my girls from home.

I'm finally feeling festive... I hope everyone else is too! xo.

In which Demi is geeking it up.

Tonight's fun-filled activities? Reading criticism of the character of King Arthur, while trying not to lose the sensation in my fingertips. Nottingham has turned icy cold, along with the rest of the UK. At least we're not under a foot of snow, like this time last year.

It's hard to believe that there's only this week and next week left at Uni! Then one more semester, then THAT'S IT. Finito. Crazy times. I can tell I'm going to be running around like a mad hatter.

Today, the latest issue of the Uni magazine FINALLY arrived! We put our super duper PR helpers to work stocking the immediate buildings around campus, with the plans to spread out and cover everywhere by the end of the week. And what's that? The editors are calling for another social before the end of term? Erm.... we'll see....

Finally, I've been listening to a mixture of Lord of the Rings and Star Wars soundtracks to keep me focused on my work... only to be distracted by the gorgeousness of some of the songs. I was listening to this medley of The Fellowship of the Ring's soundtrack, and kept getting distracted by visualising what was happening in the film when the music was being used. I'm hopeless.

Also, would it be too ridiculously geeky to have the beginning of this featured in my wedding? I think the answer is yes, but I'm pretending it's not for now.

Yes, I am a massive geek for these two film franchises. So sue me :) xo.

In which Demi has slept all day and now can't sleep.

Since my current illness rendered me unconcious for the majority of the afternoon, followed by a slobby evening of Sex and the City with the housemates since our going-out plans were scuppered by said illness, I am now feeling both groggy and unable to sleep. Fabulous.

No better time to blog, clearly!

[I do feel quite bad actually, since my updates this term have been sporadic at best.]

So, what's been happening in the world of Demi? A lot of my time has been devoted recently to my role as PR rep for our Uni magazine. Pretty much as soon as my essays were handed in my attention was directed at selling as many tickets for our first launch party of the year as possible. The very first issue of the year was assembled over the summer holiday, so this was a chance for the new contributors, as well as the editors, to celebrate putting together an issue together.

Nikki, my co-manager, and I eventually settled on what most people agree to be the best cocktail bar in Nottingham, Coco Tang, as our venue. If you're ever in Nottingham, I would DEFINITELY reccommend a drink there. Their unique cocktail recipes range from tasty treats, such as the Haribo and Krispy Creme inspired recipes (the Toblerone is to die for - including a little chunk of the sweet itself balanced on the glass edge!), to delightfully whimsical sippers such as a Dirty Cinderella and the gorgeous Cherry Blossom Martini - all served in a super sexy underground bar reminiscent of the prohibition era.

Evidence that I need to start working out again!! But my stomach aside, I think this is a cute photo of me and my co-manager :)

A couple of hiccups aside, the night seemed to be a success, with lots of people from the mag thanking me for such a good night, which made me feel a lot better. Next up: distribution of the latest issue. Submitted to the printers a week behind schedule, we're now getting sliiiightly antsy, after some of the pages had to be re-printed following an ink bleed. Our posters, proclaiming the new issue to be out the end of November, are now essentially worthless, as we are STILL waiting on the delivery, and people are starting to ask where it is, and whether they've missed it. Not good. We'll just have to be totally on.it. when the issue finally gets delivered.

I'm also starting to worry about graduate applications for PR. To London or not to London seems to be the main question, followed swiftly by to go travelling next year or to put it off for a bit, and wait until I have some more experience. I've got a while to think about it, and sift through which cases make the most sense. Also, freaking out somewhat at the weird creative questions they're throwing into the applications: Describe yourself in rhyming couplets. What would the title of your autobiography be? Apple, hero or villain? - discuss. WHAT?!

Next problem jostling for attention in my head is our latest release of essay questions, due in January. While that might seem forever away, I've had two years of experience now as to how little work I manage to achieve over Christmas, what with everything that goes on. See this post for evidence of my essay misery from last year. The bad news is that I have even more words this Christmas than I did last year - 10,000 words compared to last year's 8,000, but at least I have no exams to revise for.

SO, my master plan is to have all of my reading and planning done before I leave for Christmas, and to have at least started one of them. Fingers crossed it'll all go according to plan. I get the results from my mid-term essays this week, and I am preeeeetty terrified, as my Arthurian Literature essay was shoddy at best. I felt like emailing my tutor and apologising, because it's such a bad representation of what I know and enjoy about the module! Gahhhh.

So, essays at the forefront, yes? Not quite, since I still have two weeks of reading to finish up as well. I've really loved my modules this term, especcially my Post-Millennial literature module, where we've looked at the effects of 9/11 on literature, at genre cross-overs, at style experimentations - and all of it written in a fresh, modern prose a million miles away from stuffy 19th Century writing. Yeahhhhhh post-modernism. I've absolutely loved reading What I Loved by Siri Hustvedt recently. Something about it really stuck with me, and I'd thoroughly reccommend it.

I've also had a mini book-swap with an English Studies friend of mine, where we've swapped short stories that are both, coincidentally, being adapted for films in the coming year. I received The Woman in Black, which I've already heard terrified reviews of. My friend A. refused to return to the second half of the play, having been too freaked out in the first half. I'm not good with scary films, and I'm not sure I've ever really read a scary book, so this should be... interesting. I gave her The Great Gatsby, which is pretty much my favourite book ever :)

In film news, we've signed up for a trial of Love Film, so hopefully we'll get to keep on top of seeing all the films we want to watch! I recently caught London Boulevard on my laptop version of Sky Movies the other day as well, which I surprisingly loved. I thought the dialogue was sharp and witty, the characterisation excellent, and that it was much more than your standard London gangster film. ALSO, I had no idea how amazing Colin Farrell was at accents! I think I've fallen a little bit in lust with him. Weird, I'm like 10 years later than everyone else, right?

I think it's the eyebrows that does it...?
Source: http://magiclanternfilm.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/farrell.jpg

Next up, to 'lull' me to sleep, is The Fighter, which I managed to miss in the cinema. Hopefully I haven't overly built up my expectations, like I did with Black Swan.

Off-loading over... Have a good weekend everyone :) xo.

In which Demi is about to fall asleep.

Sometimes I think we're not supposed to know how the world works. Despite our nanotechnology, our medical miracles, our leaps forward through time and space, sometimes I think we're not supposed to understand.

Sometimes I think that I could be a different person. Sometimes I think that I would always have boiled down to this, me. Sometimes I think my influence, my existance, means nothing, and sometimes it means everything.

Sometimes, we have to let go. And sometimes we need to realise we need to fight for it. It's the figuring out part that's hardest.

Sometimes, despite my fascination, I think I'll never learn enough about humans, and how we interact. And sometimes, despite our nanotechnology, our medical miracles, our leaps forward through time and space... sometimes I think we've never really changed.

[Pointless and ineloqant, I know. But my head feels fit to burst, and this is what escaped. Go figure. xo.]

In which Demi is sososo close to freedom!

Just proof-reading my final essay, and then I can breathe an almighty sigh of relief that all three of my mid-terms are completely finished. I am looking forward to sleeping for the majority of Saturday, to recover from what is sure to be a crazy night tomorrow. Bliss! Time to dust off my dancing shoes!

To distract myself from my essay (standard...), I've been drooling over these absolutely stunning photos by Kristian Schuller. I heartily recommend checking out his website for even more examples of gorgeousness. xo.

My new laptop background :)

 All pictures from http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/spectacular-fashion-fantasies, see the rest of Kristian's work here: http://www.kristianschuller.com/

In which Demi has cracked on.

Two essays down (sort of). One to go. Progress!

Yay, annotation!... Sending me cuckoo.

Everyone's getting cranky at this point in the term. Our social lives have shrivelled up into nothingness, and I can't even remember the last time I went out dancing. Next Friday's trip to the student club (haven) Ocean cannot come quick enough, once these essays have been polished off and handed in.

Me and two of my housemates took a break from tearing our hair out to watch some happy films tonight. First up was 'Saved!', a dreadful Christian high school comedy that was as hilarious as it was bad. Followed up by 'No Strings Attached', which is most definitely my favourite rom-com everever. If only for the sheer fact that it has Natalie Portman in it, cracking awesome jokes. Paired with Ashton Kutcher. Perfection.

That, plus fizzy strawberry laces, doughnuts and copious mugs of tea (surprise surprise) have put me in a much more positive frame of mind. And a sugar high.

Arthurian Literature, beware - Demi has her work hat on! xo.

In which Demi is Queen Procrastinator!

So in case you haven't noticed, I blog a lot more when I have work to do. Coincidence? I think not.

I am an expert at procrastination. Take this afternoon for example; I wrapped up last night at 2am on 1700ish words, with only 300ish left to write. Easy peasy. Yet after a leisurely lunch, instead of sitting down to tackle this, I've sat and watched 'What Women Want', which I have both seen before and don't even like!! Then I read The Times magazine. Now I've made a cup of tea, and blogging instead of wrapping up this bloomin' essay, which will probably only take me 15mins.

Part of my frustration stems from the fact that I could write at least double the word limit I've been set on this vague question. I've only written 3 out of 5 sections, and with 300 words left to go it's not looking good.

Meh. I've eaten all the yummy snacks too. Guess I'm out of distractions now. Unless I start looking for a new winter coat...

NO. Bad Demi. xo

PS. Totally unrelated, but I liked this and wanted to get it down before I forgot:

When he looked into her dark eyes, and saw that her lips were poised between a laugh and silence, he learned the most important part of the language that all the world spoke – the language that everyone on earth was capable of understanding in their heart. It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert. - Paulo Coelho, 'The Alchemist' (via Quotebook)

In which Demi gets a wake-up call

Every so often, reality gets up and smacks me in the face and wakes me up. Today was one of those moments. My facebook snooping got me the answer I assumed, and yet I still reared back in shock.

The kind of shock that jolts you like a bucket of cold water, and makes you go 'Holy hell, look what you almost got messed up in.' Step away from the edge, sharpish.

So I've retreated, and something seems to have settled in place within me, and I think that's it. For now at least. Cutting off my attachments, slowly but surely. Until you can drift free completely.

I'm focusing on what I can control for now. I can't control other people, nor death, nor my feelings fully. So I'm focusing on things like my mid-terms essays (not flowing as easy as my plan and research would indicate, but when do they ever?) and rebuilding a bridge with a friend that I'd been prepared to burn. I guess that's what last chances are for.

Current work playlist:
Misery - Maroon 5
Stereo Hearts - Gym Class Heroes ft. Adam Levine
We Found Love - Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris (me and my housemate have been singing this on repeat recently ♥)
Lets Kill Tonight, New Perspective and Ready To Go - Panic! at the Disco
I Won't Let You Go - James Morrison
Tron Soundtrack
Ed Sheeran's whole album.

Oh, and because I haven't posted any of the photos yet, here's a little taste of the chaos that ensued last Monday on the 7-legged Bar Crawl :) xo.

Our theme was 'Sins in the City', and we decided to do a twist on them all; as 'Pride', I decided to spice things up by going as Gay Pride, which basically involved a lot of bright clothes and some awesome make-up!

Sloth (literally), Gluttony and Wrath.

Wrath, Pride, Sloth, Gluttony and Envy

The whole bunch of us :)

The 'being attached' part didn't last very long this year...

♥

In which Demi dithers

So, my life just got a little crazier. Along with my three midterm essay assignments being handed to me in three consecutive days (also due in on three consecutive days... fabbo), I've had to come to terms with the death of my grandmother this weekend. Of which, I can only really say that A) my friends are incredible, and have helped hold me together, and B) that my parents are NOT good at delivering bad news. Blunt much?

I've returned home for a week, orignially to have some peace and quiet (I love my housemates to pieces, but I work immesurably better up in the quiet of Yorkshire!) for my essays, and now coincidentally to attend the funeral.

Yet I'm already struggling to face either. Hence the dithering.

I almost feel like going for a run. Which is bizarre, because I don't run. Ever. I just feel like I've been on edge, full of nervous energy, ever since my first assignment was handed to me. Maybe it's my sole adrenal gland going haywire.

Wahh. Either way, I feel like something needs to happen. And I guess it will, soon enough.

RIP Nana ♥ xo.

In which Demi acts as glue

I hatehatehate not being able to fix my friends' troubles.

I am advice girl. Always have been. Even if it's something silly, like giving advice to a nervous friend about his big football match yesterday. Did I know anything about football? Not really. But I feel the need to try and help, to rationalise, in some way and hopefully present the problem in a more positive light, so they feel like it can actually be tackled.

And one of my best friends, A., plays the same role for me. She's the girl I have turned to for years when I have a problem, because she seems to work on an even higher rational level than I do. And seeing her distraught is one of the most horrible things, because I feel incapable of giving her advice that she has not yet thought of herself, if nothing else. So after the lastest drama today, I did the next best thing: showed up at her door with my entire bag of nail varnishes, a selection of girly DVDs and some fizzy strawberry laces to cheer her up.

Similarly, I dashed home last weekend to try and help out my darling Elf in a rather traumatic time. Again I was scraping the barrel for sage words of wisdom that I normally dish out, so had to pray that my presence would be enough. It seemed to do the trick, alongside watching Tangled and playing on her Playstation like children. It also meant that I could surprise my younger sister by being home for her birthday, which was lovely :)

I have an inherent need to try and help people. It sometimes manifests itself into bossiness, and sometimes passivity. But my brother has always described me as the glue that holds our family together. And lately I've found myself trying to apply my restoration properties to other people. I just hope it helps.

Other recent events include hosting the first magazine social of the year, which turned out better than expected! Yaaaaaaaaay! And plans for Monday's 7-legged bar crawl, which was my absolute favourite night out last year. We went as 'Onesie Night Stand' and had an absolute blast.

Yes, that is me going over...

Whoopsies :)

Pretty much sums up the whole night.

This year's theme is the 7 Deadly Sins, and I can see it being even crazier than last year... I can't wait! xo.

In which Demi is playing catch-up

How on earth has it been this long since I've blogged? Evidence, as if any more was needed, that Third Year is by far the most intensive year so far, and I've only had one week of classes!

Soooooo, as a general catch-up/way to clear my bogged down brain, here's what's been going on.

The University Magazine Thing: Crazy. Absolutely crazy. Attempting to stay one step of everybody, since that's basically my job, and feel like I'm about to trip over in my haste. The first issue got out with only minor hitches though, which I think is a massive success considering we've not done this before as a new team. I'm getting on swimmingly with my co-manager, which is a huge relief, and we have our first meeting with eager PR recruits on Monday, yaaaaaaay!

The University Life Thing: We have damp in our house. Which is far from ideal at the start of the year, going into what is sure to be another horribly intense winter, given the climate after the short, freakish heatwave that the UK enjoyed a week ago. It is now about 15 degrees and grey and miserable and rainy. Perfect. House structural problems aside, I'm loving being back with my Uni friends after the long summer, and enjoying the freedom of not living with my parents again. I love them dearly, but it's rather annoying to be constantly asked what you're doing and where you're going. Now I am free to come and go as I please, and return at ridiculous hours of the morning without worrying about inciting the wrath of my early-bird mother who sleeps ridiculously lightly.

The University Work Thing: I'm coping (for now) because I have been reading ahead in one of my modules, which has bought me some time to get back into the swing of things. My modules are all interesting, and I made a fool of myself in my Arthurian Lit class by saying that Excalibur was the sword in the stone. Wahoo!

The Friends Thing: Love our new house dynamic, with our new housemate. Love having the rest of the girls 3 doors down. Love catch-up nights out at our favourite bar, and crazy birthday celebrations involving a 2ft long penis-shaped cake (oh dear). Hate being helpless with two of my best friends' long-term boyf trauma.

Aaaaaaaaaaand that's about all for now folks. Currently reading 'The Line of Beauty' for my Post-Millenial lit class, various tales of Arthur and investigating language use by journalists to create inconspicious bias. Super interesting! Listening to old school All American Rejects, and looking forward to watching Strictly Come Dancing and X Factor with the girls tomorrow in our hungover state after the house party tonight.

The student lifestyle is pretty sweet :) xo.

In which Demi is all mixed up.

"There is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them.

But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for"

- Paulo Coelho

If only it was easy to decide what is worth fighting for, to decipher my dreams. I've never been so mixed up.

I'm trapped in a weird non-love triangle (oh sweet irony) and trying to decide what to do with my future, when both sides of the coin have their strengths and weaknesses. 

Focussing on what is do-able right now. Namely, packing up my summer life for a return to Nottingham tomorrow. Hopefully my thoughts will clear on the drive down. xo.

In which Demi shares

This made an interesting point. I'm all for driving through the world at my own pace, stopping to admire the flowers en route. Are you?

Source: http://loled.net/?p=4364

Currently curled up on my bed (accompanied by a cat, naturally) while I plow through Ian McEwan's 'Saturday' for my Literature module this coming term. I don't know whether it's my over-spilling hatred for his book 'Atonement' or my apathy towards the central character, but I find myself rather bored. I don't know why. I'm aware of what I like in a novel, and McEwan is actually ticking most of the boxes... tempted to wrap the book cover in paper so I can ignore who it's written by and actually appreciate it.

Heading back to Nottingham on Wednesday! YAAAY! My room is like a bomb-site at the moment, and I don't imagine it will get any better when I'm in packing mode. Oh dear. xo.

In which Demi starts saying her goodbyes

I find holidays between Uni to be quite strange now. I, along with many of my old school friends, have been busy toiling in various internships or jobs (or working for free, like a chump, as I did) and as such it's been one of the weirdest times to try and be social. I find myself layering semi-translucent images of my friends up, to create a collage of their current selves.

The base layer is who I remember them as from my final year at school, the image of the person that I had formed over the many (or few) years that I had known them. By the summer of my first year, already there were new layers; new relationships, their course, new stories, changed habits.

So by this point, I find myself already adding the layers of things that haven't happened yet - plans for 21st birthdays (dear God, we're getting old...), plans for graduation, holiday plans, job offers (or a lack of them), 4th years at Uni for some, gap years for others.

In conclusion, I have a multitude of overlapping images, and no real idea of what life will be like after Uni. Weird.

I spent last night eating delicious burgers and sipping cocktails with some of my closest homegirls and other friends, as we said goodbye for another term. I had spent my lunchtime in a similar situation, saying goodbye to by dearest Elf (aka bff) over chips and bagels in our tiny village cafe. Yes, it was an unhealthy day. Bad times. But it was the perfect end to the summer. I am trying to see as many people as possible this week, before I pack my life up again for 3rd year next week. Bring it on.

Time to settle down with Liquorice for company, and Ed Sheeran's amazingggg album '+' for a soundtrack. Not too shabby at all. I'm gonna miss this cat. Xo.

In which Demi remembers.

I think everyone can still remember where they were when they heard the news about 9/11.

My ten year old self was on the school bus home. My usual bus-mate Sophie had got picked up that afternoon instead, so I was bored, staring out of the window at the passing countryside. I was tuning out much of the noise of the other kids, and trying to tune my poor hearing into the radio instead.

I caught snatches of what was happening. The tone of the newsreaders caught my attention and held it, as I strained harder to hear. I didn't fully understand; words like 'terrorist' flew by me, but 'attack' and 'planes' informed me sufficiently that something bad was happening.

When I stepped off the bus, amid the other chattering, oblivious children, my Mum's tense face as she grabbed my little sister and took my hand confirmed my subconscious assumption. Once we were bundled into the car, she had the radio turned right up, which was unusual because my Mum doesn't like driving with the radio on generally. Hearing the news properly for the first time, I was confused. My young brain understood that something was desperately wrong, but the full idea of what the terrorists had actually done had not even entered the deep recesses of my darkest nightmares.

I grew up that day.

Watching the news at home, watching the burning towers, watching them tumble in the blink of an eye - that was when it finally registered in my numb brain the horrors of what humans can achieve.

I was a naive child, I fully accept that. I didn't watch the news, thinking it was something only for grown-ups. I was content with my Disney films and happy cartoons. I had stood at the top of those towers mere months before, in the weak May sunshine, feeling on top of the world. Our hotel had been right at the base of the Trade Centre, and would surely have been destroyed.

My perception of the world was altered then, forever, as I sat with my mother, who was crying. I'd never seen her cry before.

My heart sank today, when I realised that the majority of my memories - of my life really, for I hold little claim to the actions I have no memory of - have occured during a time of war. I can hardly remember a time before - before news of suicide bombings, of air raids, of more lives lost. We become desensitized to this news. Horrifyingly ironic, as the family of those who have died would surely wish to be desensitized to the gnawing pain of knowing that their loved one will never return.

Nearly 3000 people died in one day. And surely millions have died in repercussions over the past ten years, either directly from warfare or the after-effects of the attacks. Thousands are suffering the health effects of the destroyed towers, of the asbestos and dust and destruction. Thousands of lives have been altered, irreparably.

We will never forget. And rightly so. The bravey and courage of so many people, in the face of such tragedy, should never be forgotten. xo.

In which Demi chooses her words carefully.

From http://icanread.tumblr.com/

I think this image is excellent. And kindof perfectly summarises what I keep boomeranging back to (unintentionally) on this blog. And really, is the whole point of this blog.

Communicating. Saying something. To get what's in you, out of you, in a way that does your thoughts, feelings and ideas justice.

A single word can change your world. Imagine that.

We never discuss the courage needed to say the words though. Because what we want to say isn't always nice. And you can harm as much as you can help with words. And you can tip a delicate balance one way or another, until it falls and changes forever. And it can take time.

'I love you' is one of my favourite things to say. The important thing though, is to not say it unless you mean it. The three words represent a feeling I can barely contain in my entire body - a feeling I want to share, and see reflected in the people I say it to. I think it's a beautiful thing to hear and to tell. And even if it's not fully reciprocated, it doesn't really matter. Because there's nothing better than letting someone know that they are truly appreciated. Friend, lover, family - it doesn't matter who it is. If you mean it, say it.

So to those of you I have told, and to those I am still working up the courage to tell:

Lolz. Perhaps I should change that to 'I otterly love you'. Before someone gets some ideas... *ahem* my Strawberry Cheesecake and/or Fryn.... xo.

In which Demi sets her alarm clock again.

Back to my original Leeds PR placement for two more weeks. I had absolutely no sleep last night, probably because I was terrified I'd sleep in til 12 like I have been doing and miss my 8.45am bus. At least my hours aren't bad; 10-5.30ish, with an hour for lunch.

Spent my lunch hour desperately running around the department stores in town in search of a make-up primer replacement. I've used a Philosophy primer for about 5 years and it's suited my skin well, but I've realised that they've stopped making it and I can't get it anywhere!! Cue my frantic search before the true nature of my skin is revealed, wahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Just kidding. Sort of.

In other beauty-related news, Garnier's new BB Cream was a total let-down, and my hair has grown far faster than expected and is now almost waist-length. Guess I'm gonna have to shell out on a non-student-priced cut down at our local over-priced salon... Boo.

Hair up and out of the way = happy Demi

Gahhhhhhhh too much hair!

In less than a month I will be back in Nottingham!! Wahhhhhhhhhhh, SO EXCITED. This summer has gone crazy fast, and I don't even feel that relaxed! What with crazy builders and working more weeks than I've had off, it's a good job that I have few hours next year.

...Too few to be honest. My course is stupid value for money. This year I'll be taught only 6 hours a week. For 3 and a half grand. Now I'm no mathematician, but even I can tell that that's BAD.

This past week I caught up with my gay best friend who isn't gay, but might as well be. Case in point, he had Tangled all set up for us to watch before I even got there. "I got us the new Disney, I heard it's really good!" Ahhh, there are so many reasons for me to love that boy!

I also had a lovely catch-up with my crazy high-flying lawyer gal S., who me and A. went to visit in Cambridge in this post. She's just finished an internship at one of the 'magic circle' law firms in London. Not that I could name them, but we're talking the big guns, I know that much. I'll let her charge on ahead, with her 4hrs sleep a night and ridiculous amounts of stress and work, while I bob behind her steadily.

Thennnnnn our family Bank Holiday plans were scuppered as my Dad got called off to Europe by his boss, as he is prone to do (with 24hrs notice half the time...). Sad times. So me, my little sister and Mum all sat and played an extremely competative game of Scrabble, followed by a movie fest with lots of treats. Perfect :)

I hope everyone's well! I'll try and update later this week to fill you guys in on how the placement goes. xo.

In which Demi hits repeat. A lot.

When I like a song or a band, you bloomin' well know about it if you live with me (sorry housemates!).

If the song's a good'un, I will have it on repeat until it is out of my head, for anything from a couple of hours to a couple of weeks. And the ones that are still stuck after that? Those are the ones I know I'll love forever.

I don't believe in aging music. I still regularly listen to songs from one of the first albums I ever put on my shiny new iPod at the age of fourteen (Rooster ♥). Hell, I sometimes listen to songs from my childhood. When I'm feeling homesick, I whap on a bit of A-Ha or Eurythmics, because they're what my mum used to listen to when she was cleaning the house when I was a kid. She had a certain CD that she always cleaned to, which kicked off with The Human League's 'Don't You Want Me'. 80's-tastic.

[In fact, there exists a video of a drunken me getting too excited in a bar when it was played, and proceeding to do a moonwalking/hoovering stumble of a dance. My mum would be so proud.]

My family are currently being subjected (in a good way!) to multiple repeats of 'The King and All of His Men' by Wolf Gang. It's more indie than I usually listen too, but it just seems perfectly suited to the muggy English summer weather of the moment.

Also on repeat recently is Maroon 5's 'Moves Like Jagger', which I love to jump and shimmy around to. I'm sure it's been entertaining the builders to no end.

 

And finally, a feel good summer tune by one of my girl crushes, Leighton Meester, 'Summer Girl'. I like to imagine that I'm driving along a winding country road, wearing a cowboy hat and some daisy dukes when I listen to it. Instead I'm more likely to be stuck in traffic, having to crank the air con up and down at a moment's notice thanks to this summer's schizophrenic weather.

 

Ahh well. Any summer song choices you'd like to share? xo.

In which Demi shares some happy things.

My last post was a real downer, I realise. It put me in a proper bummed out mood, but as always with the 30 Letters challenge I feel better for getting it out. Maybe one day I'll even show it to my brother.

SO, in an effort to make my blogspace a little cheerier, I thought I'd share a couple of things which have made me smile recently!

Firstly, I'm a BIG fan of quotes (I like to imagine that one day people will be taking note of the many, many monumental things which I sprout), and pretty graphics. And it they can be found together, even better! Which is why I love these two sites: i can read and Quote Book. Also, if you're like me and take notice in the little things, or even if you just want to put a bit of a smile on your face as you remember, this site is brilliant: Just Little Things.

Secondly, if you are a total romantic like me, you will sqeal and sigh just as much as I did to this list of 25 most romantic movie quotes. Although I was extremely displeased to see that two quotes from Twilight had made it on there, never mind just one. Compared to the others, they stuck out like a sore thumb. I think the quote from The Notebook is my favourite, but it's hard to choose really... the Harry Met Sally quote is pretty gorgeous, even if I wasn't crazy about the film.

And finally, the prospect of completely immature and entertaining antics of next year at Uni have been brought up once more. Five of our best female friends are moving five doors down from us, and I (stupidly, perhaps definitely) suggested that we should create a series of challenges between the houses. The first gauntlet has been thrown down today: 'Come Drink With Me', modelled on the popular TV show 'Come Dine With Me'.

...My liver is going to hate me. Ahh well, it is my last year after all. I intend to make the most of it!

xo.

Letter #7: Your Sibling

30 LETTERS PROMPTS:
- Your Best Friend;
- Your Crush;
- Your Parents;
- Your Sibling (or closest relative);
- Your Dreams;
- A Stranger;
- Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush,
- Your Favorite Internet Friend;
- Someone You Wish You Could Meet;
- Someone You Don't Talk to as Much as You'd Like to;
- A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To;
- The Person You Hate the Most/Caused You a Lot of Pain;
- Someone You Wish Could Forgive You;
- The Person You Miss the Most;
- Someone You've Drifted Away From;
- Someone That's Not in Your State/Country;
- Someone From Your Childhood;
- The Person That You Wish You Could Be;
- Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad;
- The One That Broke Your Heart the Hardest;
- Someone You Judged by Their First Impression;
- Someone You Want to Give a Second Chance to;
- The Last Person You Kissed;
- The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory;
- The Person You Know That is Going Through the Worst of Times;
- The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise to;
- The Friendliest Person You Knew For a Day;
- Someone That Changed Your Life;
- The Person That You Want to Tell Everything to, But Too Afraid to;
- Your Reflection in the Mirror.

~*~

Dear P,

There is exactly one year, two months and eighteen days between us. I worked this out many years ago, when you first started using “because I’m older than you” as a reason against me. Needless to say, I soon fought back with my (dodgy) maths skills to produce this figure of all that stands between us.

One year. Two months. Eighteen days. 

Yet so much more stands between us than such an insignificant amount of time.

We were often treated almost as twins when we were younger. Bundled together, so similar in appearance that even now we are the only two that can be picked out as relatives out of the three of us siblings. And the less said about those idiots in your school year who teased you, asking if I was your girlfriend when we were grumpily sent out shopping together, the better. I think I still bear some mental scars from the idea. 

I think I was about thirteen or fourteen when I realised that I had to be the one in charge. I won’t deny that I’m something of a control freak, but I never wanted to be the eldest – or act like it anyway. But that’s how it happened.

We were on the school bus. A usual soggy, frozen winter morning which is so typical of northern England from about October to March. Nothing unusual to speak of. I was sat about two thirds of the way down the bus (on the top deck, as all the cool kids were). The bus system was regimented and widely understood: the older you were the further back you could sit. Try and sit too far back, and you would be made to move. Every year saw an incremental shift a few rows back, until you reached the top of the school and could claim the back seat – that is, if you weren’t lucky enough to have your own car by that point. Which we weren’t.

But not you. From your first day you’d carved out a seat in the very first row, and refused to move. You sat, day after day, year after year, surrounded by the youngest, gobby kids. I couldn’t for the life of me understand it, didn’t know why you didn’t want to sit near the back with the kids your own age. “I like to be able see where we’re going,” you told me once in explanation. I still didn’t get it.

I always kept half an eye on you though. I knew, even back then, that I needed to. That you might one day need my help. 

On that day, the younger kids were being unusually obnoxious to you. They normally left you pretty much alone, once they realised that you would never rise to their baiting questions, choosing instead to stare stonily ahead out of the window. But they’d clearly run out of entertainment on that journey, as they’d taken to writing things on the steamed up window behind your head, and drawing long arrows to above your head. Nothing especially bad, just stupid eleven year old “wit”. Of course you were completely oblivious, lost in your book. 

But I was fuming. You had done nothing to provoke them, and yet they’d chosen to pick on you, my quiet, oblivious brother. My rage was palpable, with my friends pausing in their chatter to ask what was wrong. My eyes were fixed on the main culprit, a generally snot-nosed and arrogant brat, and before I knew it I was halfway down the bus, storming towards them. The kids turned to look at me curiously, sneeringly. I knew they thought nothing of me. And why would they, when I still looked about as young as they were with my short stature and rounded face? But their grins soon disappeared when I furiously rubbed away all of their scribbles, leaving the window clear.

“What the hell? Who do you think you are?” demanded the bratty ringleader, only to fall silent as I whipped around to stare them all down. A couple of the giggling girls actually shrunk back at the unabashed hate in my flushed face.

“He’s my brother, and if you dare do anything else to him you’ll have to answer to me, got it?”

[There may have been some foul language in there, which I’ve cleaned up a little...]

You turned around in your seat to stare up at me bemusedly when you heard the commotion. The entire front of the bus was silent as I turned on my heel and stormed back to my seat, swinging into it as I tried not to burst into tears. 

I’d never confronted anyone before. Ever. I was much more of a wallflower back then, and never did anything to rock the boat.

I think that was when I realised that I could be strong. That I could stand up for myself, and for those I cared about. And I have done so, many times since then.

If there’s anything I hate, it’s people picking on vulnerable people. And you were vulnerable, although you’d never admit it.

We really could not be more different, considering how close in age we are. And I know that I have caused you a lot of hurt as well as help, both intentionally and unintentionally. I’m not sure you’ve ever fully forgiven me for our messed up childhood, as you were passed about like a package in Pass the Parcel so mum and dad could stay with me in hospital while I was ill. I’m sure you still blame me for your lack of self-esteem from when I discovered the power of sarcasm, and my too-sharp retorts sometimes.

And that’s okay. Because I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself either.

But on the other hand, I’m not sure I can forgive you either, for some of the things you have said and done when you lash out in anger, in confusion, in fear. You have such a blinkered view of the world that you can only see the harm that people can do to you, and are blind to the harm you can cause yourself.

So really, all I can say to you is sorry. But also, that I will always have your back, just like that day on the bus so many years ago.

I really am so sorry.

-         -- Demi  xo.

My brother and I, aged about 3 and 2 respectively

In which Demi enjoys her new view.

This is partly a test to see how my new smartphone manages. I'm still getting used to all the stuff I can now do on my phone! Blogger being one of them! Crazy!

So basically this is the view I now have on my bedroom, with new french doors onto the flat roof balcony. It's taking some getting used to, but I quite like it now. It's kind of a present from my parents, as they've extended their bedroom (as can be seen on the left, through the window) and thus eliminated my original view up the valley. Which was the best and prettiest part of looking out of my windows. Ahh well, as they like to point out whenever I moan about my new lack of view - I don't really live here anymore!

...Touché! Xo.

In which Demi swoons a little.

Just finished watching the Star Wars trilogy prequel, with Episode One before bed. Not quite sure why I decided to watch them in the wrong order. That's just how I roll I guess ;)

I pretty much swoon every time Ewan McGregor is in the shot. I don't know what it is about him that makes me so gaga. He's not a pretty boy, but neither does he fully pull off the badass look. He's a little scruffy looking and rather... plainly handsome, in a way that I can't put my finger on. Added to the fact that he's apparently a lovely person, as well as being funny and charming (as witnessed in several interviews) and I am pretty much a puddle of goo with little little love hearts floating in it.

♥ (Source)

I think the fact that he's a good actor helps. He's one of the few actors that I will go to see in a film, even if I'm not sure if I'll like it. Because he tends to win me over every time. I'm itching to see his new film coming out later this year, with Eva Green called Perfect Sense (click to see trailer) which looks interesting and gorgeous. I'm also still meaning to see him in 'Beginners', which I heard is really good. Oh Ewan, won't you just marry me??

Went out for dinner with two of my best girls tonight, one of whom is heading off to Hong Kong next week to study abroad for a semester, and we won't see her until February now. It's made me long for the travelling I've started to plan for after graduation. Instead of jumping straight into a job, I'm hoping to have built up enough experience this summer to allow me to take a year out first. I want to head out east, for the first time, and see parts of Malaysia and Indonesia. Then Australia, and round it off with a couple of hot-spots in the US, especcially San Fransisco and Boston. I'm getting butterflies just thinking about it.

Until then, I'm gonna have to work hard and get the grades to be able to afford the time off. Time for bed, and dreams of Force powers and a purple lightsaber. I think I'd make an excellent Jedi. xo.

I don't think they make lightsabers in hot pink. Shame.

In which Demi indulges her inner geek and child.

In an ideal world, I would work in the film industry.

I'm not even sure which part of the industry, to be perfectly honest. My mum always thought I'd make a better script writer than novelist, as my childish tales were always filled with dialogue and little else. Even my little scribbles and scene ideas that I still jot down on occasion revolve around what's being said, whether it's through speech or body language. I don't feel the need to write excessively about the scene, or pad out the thought process. Maybe it's because I don't always think about what I say. I'm a gut instincts kinda girl. I think some of the most powerful scenes can be some of the simplest, depending on what's being said - or not said.

I don't think I'm a talented enough writer to do well in Hollywood. But if I could choose one area of the industry I could have a go at, I would absolutely love to work in costume and make-up. I love watching the extras on DVDs (I can practically quote the Lord of the Rings extended editions extras, they're by far my favourites) to see how much exquisite detail is put into films; from sourcing Jack Sparrow's sword from an antiques store in London, to the hand-stitched tapestries that line the Golden Hall of Rohan, there is such art and dedication put into the subtleties of a character or a location, which we pick up almost subconsciously.

I've been chilling out tonight after a hectic day, and watched 'Hercules' and 'Star Wars' Episodes II and III. I'm not sure what prompted my film choices, but I've enjoyed them as always nonetheless. As much as I love books, there is just something so vivid and compelling about films.

My blog posts are getting more and more random, I know. I'm getting a little stir-crazy I think. I'm intent on getting another couple of my 30 letters written, since the project has gone on a looooooooong time past the predicted deadline. Oops. I'm really struggling with my letter to my siblings, as this year has seen a real shift in our family and how we relate to one another. We'll see how it goes. xo.

PS. I think Natalie Portman is possibly the most beautiful woman on the planet, yet so understated and intelligent. Jealous. Also, I don't care how wooden his acting is, I love Hayden Christensen! Although not as much as Ewan McGregor ♥

In which Demi gives a quick update

My life has become more than slightly chaotic.

First, the 'rents have decided to extend the house some more. I am now being woken daily by the almighty sounds of drills, hammers and windows being dropped, Mon-Sat from 9am. Yes, they even work Saturdays. I thought builders were meant to be lazy?? Although they are already behind schedule... too busy making too much meaningless noise if you ask me!

Secondly, we've had to change internet providers, and living waaaaaaaaaaaaaay out in the countryside as I do, the signal isn't great at the best of times. And now? It's got worse, which I didn't believe to be possible. I'm lucky if I can get it to work for about an hour a day. [insert annoyed rant at old 02 providers here].

Thirdly, I've been sleeping. A lot. Enjoying the first of my 3 weeks off from my work experience-filled summer. Returning to my first placement for another 2wks on the 29th August. Of course, now I've settled down into my normal, slobbish holiday routine, I'm kind of wishing I was done for good now. But in this day and age I have to jump at every career opportunity I can get my hands on.

Fourthly, I had 3 of my 4 other Nottingham housemates come up to stay this weekend to help (belatedly) celebrate my 20th birthday with cocktails and mexican food. I miss them already.


Fifthly... I'm too tired to think of anything else important. Just a lot of spending, driving and builders' noise. Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hope you're all having a lovely summer. xo

PS. Britain, get your act together. These riots are a disgrace. I hope my friends down there are all okay.

In which Demi considers being 'middle-aged'.

As of midnight, I am now 20 years old.

Seriously, when on earth did that happen? When I was a kid the years seemed to drag, and now whole months can zip by and leave my head spinning.

I've been thinking about turning 20 recently. Along with the demise of my 'she's just a teenager' excuse and the rapidly approaching big 2-1 with ultimate responsibility (dear lord, can't I just stay a teenager?!), I have come to realise that current perceptions of middle-agedom are wrong. Being middle-aged doesn't mean you're halfway through your life. Death is so unpredictable that it's foolish to call 40s-50s middle-aged, because who says we're even going to get that far?

I am middle-aged. This midway point, here, is to be middle-aged. Stuck between childhood and adulthood, I'm treading water as I learn to swim in this real world. A world full of full-time work, bills and budgeting. It's similar to the paddling pool filled with all of my childhood friends, my parents' warm embraces and a whole lot of Nintendo merchandise - but a lot deeper, a lot more scary.

I'm working on staying afloat right now, and hopefully one day soon I'll feel ready to strike out into the ocean and all it's possibilities.

Source

In which Demi reminisces and reads.

Source

It's funny how the strangest, most insignificant things can have a massive impact on you. This game, or rather its original form, is one of them. I cannot recommend this game highly enough, as I'm sure anyone else who has played it does. It is a work of sheer genius. And yet so simple and pure in concept.

When I was about seven years old, my cousin was heading off to University, and offered us his well-loved Nintendo 64 console and a handful of games, since he wouldn't have the time to play them. Ocarina of Time was one of them. Me and my brother were too young to be able to play it properly, and so every afternoon after school we would sit and direct our mum into running around, solving the puzzles and screaming encouragement as she wildly hacked in the boss fights.

It helped to form a tight bond between us. My younger sister was only about 4 at the time, and so doesn't remember these many, many afternoons, but we completed that game as a team. And years later, I find myself sat, peering over my mum's shoulder as she awkwardly manipulates my sister's DS with the new version, guiding her through the same temples that are so ingrained into mine and my brother's memory, but she has long forgotten the details of.

It made me love fantasy and adventure. It made me want to read of worlds unlike our own, to write countless (dreadful) stories involving princesses and heroes and villainous villains. And even now, years later, I like to indulge my geeky side and read something different. My latest buy was 'The Hero and the Crown' by Robin McKinley, which was sweeping and beautiful and emotional.

My current read is the Millenium series by Stieg Larsson, which could not be further away from the mythical, dragon-filled world of 'The Hero and the Crown', but is equally compelling, and I am coming to understand the hype surrounding these books.


I've just spent a healthy £40 on 9 novels for just one of my modules next year, all of which I'm hoping to read before the start of the new year. I'm excited again by reading books, rather than coming to dread it, as I was at the end of term. I always find it extremely theraputic to read something different, far from the highly regarded canon of literature, over the summer to let my mind free up and be ready for more intensive books for September time.


I'm off to tuck up in bed with my book and my sister's DS. Saving the world calls. xo.