In which Demi's motivation and mojo emerge from hibernation

Bonjour! I have returned! After another heinous absence, I know. In all truth, I feel like I've just been in the wrong headspace for the last few months. My journal-keeping went out the window along with my blogging, I stopped keeping up with other blogs, and generally lost my writing mojo. Along with my motivation, pro-activity, interest and all sorts of pretty important things.

I was stuck in a massive rut. One the size of the Grand Canyon. Six months out of a prestigious university, with a high 2:1 degree in English, I was working full-time as a waitress in a creparie, on minimum wage, feeling my brain slowly atrophy into mush.

I moved home after university for a number of reasons - mainly because of my health, which threw off all plans of a job until it was sorted. And without a job, I had no money to rent my own place. And, truthfully, I was scared. Scared of graduate life - real life - without the buffers of studentdom. Of holding down a job and paying bills and finding somewhere to live and starting fresh with no-one I knew. Even though I'd trotted off to Nottingham happily enough, that was different - I was living in halls of residence, I had no real responsibilities other than showing up for classes, and I knew two people from school in my own hall, never mind one of my best friends being across the road in another hall.

So I came home. As, I'd assumed, many others in my situation would.

I was wrong. Massively wrong.

I'd (stupidly) assumed that life at home would be similar to my life before uni. I was looking forward to catching up with friends from home, from high school. And it just didn't happen - because nobody came home to stay. The majority headed back to uni at the end of the summer - third years, fourth years, PGCEs, Masters and law school called them away. S. took a much-needed extended vacation following her Cambridge law degree, before she started work at one of the most successful law firms in the country. A. got herself suited up [stylishly so; if there's one thing A. doesn't do, it's boring office clothes] and headed down to London to start her climb up the long ladder at PWC. And my darling Elf strapped on her skis at the end of October to try her hand as a ski instructor for a season. She returns on Monday and I am practically giddy with anticipation.

Because when Elf left, it was just me. Me, and two of my best male friends - one who had no idea what to do post-uni, one who had gone straight into work after quitting school and was soaring up the ranks in the company he works for. And though I love them both dearly, they are two of the most useless people I know when it comes to replying to messages, remembering things and making plans.

So my social life quickly dried up, and although I had a job it was hardly stimulating. I found myself growing more and more sloth-like, unable to muster the energy or enthusiasm even to write. It was a new experience for me, one which I found supremely uncomfortable; I have been writing, in some guise, shape or form, since I was a child. To lose the will to write scared me, and made me even more miserable.

It all came to a head over Christmas, when everyone came home again. I was so excited to see everyone, but became quickly depressed by all of their exciting lives and stories, by seeing faces freeze into awkward smiles as they said "oh, that sounds... nice" when I said I was working as a waitress. While out for a meal with my home-girls, mid-lecture/pep talk by A. and S., I suddenly felt the tears start to well up as I shrugged off their questions about what I was doing about job searching, and why I wasn't being proactive, trying to make jokes and deflect them.

Being quizzed by two of the most driven and career-minded people I've ever met, who had no concept of why I was not pushing myself forward, and subsequently feeling so worthless and lazy and confused, was the thing that tipped me over the edge. I started crying as everything seemed to crash over me, feeling desperately embarrassed at making such a scene at dinner. A. grabbed me and steered me outside, where everything came tumbling out. How I'd been avoiding visiting her in London because I was so jealous of her new lifestyle. How I felt like I was letting everyone down. How I'd suddenly lost all of my enthusiasm for PR, and now had no idea what to apply for because I didn't want to do anything other than stay in and watch movies and bad TV. How lonely I was, and how hard it had been to go back to living under my parents' roof having lived away for three years, but how I felt I'd regressed back to a teenage state after becoming accustomed to it.

I've never been one to make New Years Resolutions. But for 2013, I promised myself that I would make a change. That I would figure out what I was going to do, and then just bloody do it. I was healthy, I was (and hopefully still am) smart, and I owed it to myself, and to others, to get going again.

And, out of the blue, an opportunity fell into my lap. The daughter of one of my mum's horse-riding friends rang me one morning in January, and said that she'd heard I was looking for a job. She enquired about what I was looking for, and asked if would I be interested in an Admin Assistant position at the Human Relations company she worked at.

Within a week or so, I was being interviewed by them. Although not directly related to PR, I knew the job would be a massive step in the right direction – lots of typing, answering the phones, general admin assistance, and the proper office experience which I desperately needed. Coming from a waitressing job, I knew I would be able to handle the hosting aspect of the job – keeping the centre presentable and topping up the tea, coffee, fruit, biscuits etc for the participants and clients of the courses being held at the centre. I almost lost the job when they tested my (highly rusty) typing and Excel skills, but was equally shocked and delighted when they offered me the job less than an hour after I’d returned home.

I handed in my notice at the creparie, and have since been working at the Human Relations company for just over two months now. I am infinitely happier – learning new skills, using my brain(!), meeting new people daily. I get on really well with the rest of the staff, of which I feel very much the baby of the group (but in a nice way). It’s so different from when I was bouncing off one other staff member at the creparie most days, as it was only a small shop. I’m earning more, and have been able to afford trips to both London and Nottingham, so I feel much more connected to my friends, even with the distance.

The job was initially a six-month contract, with the potential to continue, and with half of my time there now spent I am starting to look ahead, and think about what I want to do. The reassuring fact is that I’m not facing forward with trepidation now, but excitement. I’ve got my mojo, my confidence back. I’ve remembered what it’s like to feel like myself again, and I have no intention of letting that go. I’m reading more, and writing snippets here and there. I’m intently keeping up with the news once more, with the newest beauty products, with film releases and my other interests.

I care again. And it’s such a relief, and a blessing, that it’s horrible to even cast my mind back a couple of months to when I simply... didn’t. I was just existing; trudging through empty, repetitive and tiring days.

I’ve got a ton of ideas for blog posts – raving about music I’m loving, new tech, a whole bunch of new beauty treats, thoughts on books and films I’ve been enjoying recently.

Demi is back. And, hopefully, she’s here to stay again. xo.

In which Demi dusts off the keyboard

So, you may have noticed there's been something of an almost-three-month hiatus here. Which is  quite unlike me, I'd like to think; I got into the swing of blogging a lot more this year - or so I thought - but I had enough bumps over my Easter holiday in April to send me careering off the track.

My bad.

So what, you might ask, caused this diversion? Well, to be honest, it was a number of things.

Essays (three of them. Big ones too). Reading (when am I not?). Doctor's appointments (enter mysterious and rather scary lump, stage left). Being smitten and/or embarrassed (over the cute and funny design guy at the magazine, who somehow made me revert to a 14 year old with a crush). Magazine elections and two new issues (the timing of the last two could certainly have been better, but loved the year as a whole). Summer placement interview at a great PR company (which I didn't get, due to my unavailability thanks to mysterious and rather scary lump). Celebrating the end of my degree (lots). Getting drunk (lots). Met a boy (sort of. Three years ago, technically). Films and Grey's Anatomy (my treat for finishing). Grad ball (beautiful). Results day (2:1 BA in English Studies, thrilled). Goodbyes (lots of them). A wedding (my cousin's, in Dingle, Ireland... beautiful, but far too remote). Trip to see the boy (romantic). Graduation (surreal, but lovely). Two early birthday celebrations (hilarious and very different). Surgery (damn you, mysterious and rather scary lump). My 21st birthday (two days later... not ideal).

Forgive me?

I'm now laid up in bed a lot, resting and/or being generally lazy after my operation, so I'll try to fill in the gaps of some of these events with some quick, belated posts. I've got a ton of photos to sort out and upload, so they'll probably make an appearance, along with some insights into my post-university life. No idea what they'll contain - mainly because I don't feel like I've properly finished. It all seems rather surreal. Once my results come back from the lab, I'll also finally be able to make some decisions about The Future, and what it shall contain.

...For now though, I'm going to curl up and watch New Girl I think. Hope you're all enjoying your summer so far, wherever you are. xo.

In which Demi is basically her own worst enemy...

So it's 3am here, and I've settled down for the long haul to get half of my first essay written. Today didn't quite go as planned; an accidental lie-in was a bad start (sort of. I enjoyed it really), before I, along with my sister and mum, spent about 3 hours longer than planned shopping for outfits for my cousin's wedding in June.

[We didn't even end up with anything for me, which was mostly the point as the other two have their dresses already. Bad times.]

Then, when I finally did settle down to work, I sent myself careening off course and topic in my essay, which I'm only just rectifying now.

It's one of those annoying essays where I can reduce the 3500 word count, quite easily, down into one word to answer the question: No. I hope my tutor's prepared for 3499 words of waffle as a result.
At least I've got Liquorice here to keep me company. Not that he's being particularly useful...

My new song discovery, along with M83's album (thanks J.!), is keeping me motivated though, along with crispy Italian breadsticks, tea and a delicious raspberry and lemonade 'cooler'. The song is by Aidan Grimshaw, who was my one of my favourite contestants on the X Factor a couple of years ago, and while I'm surprised by the style of music he's adopted, I'm also loving it. Check out Aidan's soon-to-be-released single here. xo.

In which Demi says, very simply...

I don't want to write this essay. I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.I don't want to write this essay.

I really really don't. Sorry Arthur, I don't think you're the best king in the world. End of. Unfortunately, my tutor wants 3500 words on the subject.

To distract myself, I keep staring at my fingertips (yes I am that easily distracted), which are currently covered in my lovely Nails Inc.'s Magnetic Nail Polish from Christmas. I'm currently sporting Trafalgar Square, a deep chrome, but my favourite has to be Houses of Parliament, a lovely deep purple. Unfortunately Big Ben, a bright brassy gold, didn't work very well, but that's okay because the other two are gorgeous, and came with a super glossy top coat in a big bundle. If you haven't seen or heard of the magnetic nail polish trend, feast your eyes on its coolness:

Sorry it's so messy. I was so excited to try it that all technique went out the window.

People who know me know that I'm big on nails, so my mum apparently bagged these months ago in excitement for Christmas. And with good reason, look how cool it is! The magnet in the cap of the polish pulls all of these microscopic metal particles in the polish into this awesome pattern, which shifts as the light changes. Depending on how you position the magnet, the pattern changes. LOVE IT.

And to motivate myself through these essays, I also bought two polishes from the indie brand a-England, which arrived the other day and are GORGEOUS. But I'm giving Trafalgar Square it's outing before I try them out. Once it chips, it's switcheroo time.

I can't wait to see my housemates on Wednesday, even if it is only for about 24hrs while I hand in my essays. It's been a long, stressful holiday, and I can't wait until we're all vegging out in companionable banter (there's never silence) and watching trash on the TV. Thank God for Take Me Out etc.

Back to the grindstone. 4 days. Then freedom, filled with films, tea, food which I am no longer able to stomach due to stress, and restful sleep. I had an irritating waking dream last night, which involved me searching desperately for some sort of technological gadget (which most certainly does not exist but I seemed to think did) at 5am, resulting in me ripping all of my bedding off in a harried attempt to find it. And then realise I was being stupid, and re-making my bed.

I'm turning into a fruit loop. Trying to motivate myself with my new kick-ass playlist, which features a lot of Hurts, which I know my dear Elf is happy about. I find the singer, Theo, to be strangely sexy... not quite sure what it is about him. He looks like someone my mum would have fancied in the 80's. Like mother, like daughter I guess. Half of it's probably his voice tbh. And the fact he's called Theo, which is one of my favourite boy's name. Happy weekend everyone xo.

I think it's the eyebrows. And the cheekbones. Maybe. (Source)

In which Demi is clearly crazy.

Not only was I up far, far earlier than is the norm for me, to entertain company at 9.30am ('barely presentable' is how I would describe my look, but then again, he didn't look much better), but it is now nearly 4.30am and I am STILL GOING. I am so behind on this essay that I refuse to go to bed until the majority of it is complete.

ONWARDS. Relying on a mix of OneRepublic, Star Wars and Gabrielle Aplin to keep me going musically. Rawr.

Tea and music are getting me through. Just about.

Apologies for the craziness. xo.

In which Demi is Queen Procrastinator!

So in case you haven't noticed, I blog a lot more when I have work to do. Coincidence? I think not.

I am an expert at procrastination. Take this afternoon for example; I wrapped up last night at 2am on 1700ish words, with only 300ish left to write. Easy peasy. Yet after a leisurely lunch, instead of sitting down to tackle this, I've sat and watched 'What Women Want', which I have both seen before and don't even like!! Then I read The Times magazine. Now I've made a cup of tea, and blogging instead of wrapping up this bloomin' essay, which will probably only take me 15mins.

Part of my frustration stems from the fact that I could write at least double the word limit I've been set on this vague question. I've only written 3 out of 5 sections, and with 300 words left to go it's not looking good.

Meh. I've eaten all the yummy snacks too. Guess I'm out of distractions now. Unless I start looking for a new winter coat...

NO. Bad Demi. xo

PS. Totally unrelated, but I liked this and wanted to get it down before I forgot:

When he looked into her dark eyes, and saw that her lips were poised between a laugh and silence, he learned the most important part of the language that all the world spoke – the language that everyone on earth was capable of understanding in their heart. It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert. - Paulo Coelho, 'The Alchemist' (via Quotebook)

In which Demi acts as glue

I hatehatehate not being able to fix my friends' troubles.

I am advice girl. Always have been. Even if it's something silly, like giving advice to a nervous friend about his big football match yesterday. Did I know anything about football? Not really. But I feel the need to try and help, to rationalise, in some way and hopefully present the problem in a more positive light, so they feel like it can actually be tackled.

And one of my best friends, A., plays the same role for me. She's the girl I have turned to for years when I have a problem, because she seems to work on an even higher rational level than I do. And seeing her distraught is one of the most horrible things, because I feel incapable of giving her advice that she has not yet thought of herself, if nothing else. So after the lastest drama today, I did the next best thing: showed up at her door with my entire bag of nail varnishes, a selection of girly DVDs and some fizzy strawberry laces to cheer her up.

Similarly, I dashed home last weekend to try and help out my darling Elf in a rather traumatic time. Again I was scraping the barrel for sage words of wisdom that I normally dish out, so had to pray that my presence would be enough. It seemed to do the trick, alongside watching Tangled and playing on her Playstation like children. It also meant that I could surprise my younger sister by being home for her birthday, which was lovely :)

I have an inherent need to try and help people. It sometimes manifests itself into bossiness, and sometimes passivity. But my brother has always described me as the glue that holds our family together. And lately I've found myself trying to apply my restoration properties to other people. I just hope it helps.

Other recent events include hosting the first magazine social of the year, which turned out better than expected! Yaaaaaaaaay! And plans for Monday's 7-legged bar crawl, which was my absolute favourite night out last year. We went as 'Onesie Night Stand' and had an absolute blast.

Yes, that is me going over...

Whoopsies :)

Pretty much sums up the whole night.

This year's theme is the 7 Deadly Sins, and I can see it being even crazier than last year... I can't wait! xo.

In which Demi shares

This made an interesting point. I'm all for driving through the world at my own pace, stopping to admire the flowers en route. Are you?

Source: http://loled.net/?p=4364

Currently curled up on my bed (accompanied by a cat, naturally) while I plow through Ian McEwan's 'Saturday' for my Literature module this coming term. I don't know whether it's my over-spilling hatred for his book 'Atonement' or my apathy towards the central character, but I find myself rather bored. I don't know why. I'm aware of what I like in a novel, and McEwan is actually ticking most of the boxes... tempted to wrap the book cover in paper so I can ignore who it's written by and actually appreciate it.

Heading back to Nottingham on Wednesday! YAAAY! My room is like a bomb-site at the moment, and I don't imagine it will get any better when I'm in packing mode. Oh dear. xo.

In which Demi shares some happy things.

My last post was a real downer, I realise. It put me in a proper bummed out mood, but as always with the 30 Letters challenge I feel better for getting it out. Maybe one day I'll even show it to my brother.

SO, in an effort to make my blogspace a little cheerier, I thought I'd share a couple of things which have made me smile recently!

Firstly, I'm a BIG fan of quotes (I like to imagine that one day people will be taking note of the many, many monumental things which I sprout), and pretty graphics. And it they can be found together, even better! Which is why I love these two sites: i can read and Quote Book. Also, if you're like me and take notice in the little things, or even if you just want to put a bit of a smile on your face as you remember, this site is brilliant: Just Little Things.

Secondly, if you are a total romantic like me, you will sqeal and sigh just as much as I did to this list of 25 most romantic movie quotes. Although I was extremely displeased to see that two quotes from Twilight had made it on there, never mind just one. Compared to the others, they stuck out like a sore thumb. I think the quote from The Notebook is my favourite, but it's hard to choose really... the Harry Met Sally quote is pretty gorgeous, even if I wasn't crazy about the film.

And finally, the prospect of completely immature and entertaining antics of next year at Uni have been brought up once more. Five of our best female friends are moving five doors down from us, and I (stupidly, perhaps definitely) suggested that we should create a series of challenges between the houses. The first gauntlet has been thrown down today: 'Come Drink With Me', modelled on the popular TV show 'Come Dine With Me'.

...My liver is going to hate me. Ahh well, it is my last year after all. I intend to make the most of it!

xo.

In which Demi has the jitters.

Fact: I suffer badly from nerves.

I was never one to be all pumped to go into an exam, bouncing about with adrenalin. Oh no, I'm the one sat in the corner, clutching my notes and reading over them feverishly while my face pales with each passing second. During my driving test I was so nervous I actually stopped breathing at one point, which my examiner had to point out in alarm.

And I start my first work experience placement in morning. So, naturally, I'm petrified already.

A lot of my fear stems from being a burden. I'm meant to be there to help out and learn in the process, but visions of me helplessly staring at a Mac (I know they use them. I, however, do not.) until I burst into tears keep apparating.

I know I'm being ridiculous. I know I'm not supposed to know anything just yet, and that this is the first hint of an incline on what is sure to be a massive learning curve. But it's different and real and important and I'm freaking out, as I am prone to do.

I'll update my progress in a couple of days. Until then, I will leave you with some shots of me and my friends merrily punting around Cambridge, and sipping cocktails at a College garden party (Woodstock themed, woooo yeah). I would thoroughly recommend a visit, if ever the opportunity arises; I was stunned by how beautiful it was, despite being told numerous times. However, my laid-back attitude jarred somewhat with the Cambridge student mindset of being super busy all the time, busy busy busy, now now now. Pfft, no thanks. I drive at my own pace. xo.

[I would like to add that I was in fact holding my camera-wielding friend's drink, not two of my own!]

In which Demi is bored of Medieval poetry revision.

The title's a pretty good summation of my feelings right now. Which is bad, since it's only my second day of revising it, and I still have a lot to learn before Thursday's exam. Boo.

Did my first exam on Thursday. Didn't go great, and I have myself to blame for that. Note to self: learn to tell time better. A lack of maths lessons in your life is no excuse.

That and some recent boy intervention (not just the ex, also someone equally unavailable) led to the anger than spawned the previous post. In general, I am not an 'angry' person. I am pretty much zen until exams or something come around, where I turn into a bit of a gibbering mess. But anger? Not really me. It takes a lot to get me going, and it was the culmination of months of frustration, topped with the exam mess-up cherry. After a good night's sleep, I'm back to not really caring.... YAY!

In other news, I was recently elected the new PR, Distribution and Social Secretary of my University magazine! WOOHOO! Basically it will be my job to co-ordinate advertising, events, manage the physical distribution of the issues and organise social events for the writers and editors. Yikes. Sounds like a lot, but it was too good an opportunity for PR experience to pass up. I was incredibly nervous during my speech, but since a couple of people in the running dropped out it meant that I got the place, along with another girl on my course, by default. I was then invited to a lovely meal out with all the old and new editors and magazine exec, and despite not knowing many people (and none very well) I had a really nice night.

I thought I'd also throw a couple of pictures in here to comemorate this, partly because (as silly as it sounds) I was super impressed with how my hair came out after using this ballerina bun tutorial from Lauren Conrad's new website, The Beaty Department, which I love. It covers hair and makeup, provides video style tutorials, and all sorts of other awesome stuff. I recommend!

So here were my results with the ballerina bun:

Outfit details: Cardigan - Matalan; Vest - Primark; Jeans - UNIQLO (love love love their jeans!); Shoes - Primark; Bracelets - all presents. 

I was reeeally happy with it! Obviously a few more tries will make it even better, but since I have super long hair at the moment, I love nothing more than tucking it all away out of my face.

More soon. Until then, I'll be entertaining myself with Medieval poetry and regular Grey's Anatomy/ tea breaks. xo.

Letter #6: Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad

A/N: Late, irrelevant and angry, I know. But this is all I can hash out right now. Bad language ahoy, by the way. Avoid if you wish.

~*~

30 LETTERS PROMPTS:
- Your Best Friend;
- Your Crush;
- Your Parents;
- Your Sibling (or closest relative);
- Your Dreams;
- A Stranger;
- Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush,
- Your Favorite Internet Friend;
- Someone You Wish You Could Meet;
- Someone You Don't Talk to as Much as You'd Like to;
- A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To;
- The Person You Hate the Most/Caused You a Lot of Pain;
- Someone You Wish Could Forgive You;
- The Person You Miss the Most;
- Someone You've Drifted Away From;
- Someone That's Not in Your State/Country;
- Someone From Your Childhood;
- The Person That You Wish You Could Be;
- Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad;
- The One That Broke Your Heart the Hardest;
- Someone You Judged by Their First Impression;
- Someone You Want to Give a Second Chance to;
- The Last Person You Kissed;
- The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory;
- The Person You Know That is Going Through the Worst of Times;
- The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise to;
- The Friendliest Person You Knew For a Day;
- Someone That Changed Your Life;
- The Person That You Want to Tell Everything to, But Too Afraid to;
- Your Reflection in the Mirror.

~*~

-C.

I can’t be ‘the bigger person’ right now. Despite the fact that I always am. Despite the fact that I have been whenever something happens. Anything. I’m always the bigger person. I always make the sacrifice. I always remember. I always care. For anyone, not just you.

But I can’t be the bigger person right now. Because I am basically in the same place as I was last year. And I don’t want to be here. I’ve done this before, and I really, really don’t want to have to do this again.

When you said you wanted out of us I accepted that. Regardless of my nature, it’s not like I really had a choice. You’d already gone ahead without me. So I accepted this, and stood back, and let you sweep past me into the sunset with your new girl.

So how dare you think you can put me through more of this bullshit. How dare you flirt with me. How dare you want to text to me when your girlfriend of almost a fucking year is sleeping right beside you. How dare you remind me of what could have been. Of what should have been.

How dare you say we could have worked, when you were the one to end things.

Hindsight sure is a wonderful thing. Because I am a good person. And we have chemistry. And I have to forcibly stamp down on every damn butterfly that takes flight when I see you through the frosted panes of my front door. And maybe you’re right; maybe we could have worked.

But what gives you the right to jerk me around? Is it because you know I’ll go along with it? You know I only put up a half-hearted fight? Because you know that I will always care for you in some capacity, because you were the first boy to make me think I’d finally found It?

I am exactly where I was one year ago. Checking my phone constantly. Counting the days since I have heard from you. Thinking about you whenever my mind’s not already occupied. Of course, there are new additions. Feeling sick when I realise it’s been a year you’ve been with her. Wanting to smash something when I think of you two loved up in Rome, or wherever you’re going in the summer.

I don’t want to do this. And if you would let yourself admit it, you know what you’re doing is wrong.

I could handle being friends. I couldn’t handle flirtation and talk of the past. So why did you do it? When will you realise that you can’t keep chasing what you don’t have? Jobs, shifts, cars, girls – we are not toys to be traded in when you get bored!

So grow up and decide what the fuck you want. Until then, leave me alone. Because I was fine. I genuinely was. And now I’m not. And it’s your fucking fault.

-D.

In which Demi needs sleep. And more time. And more willpower.

Okay, postitive Demi has well and truly vanished. I'm now facing my biggest, most difficult and time-consuming essay. While it's my last one and only 3000 words, I'm seriously concerned I simply won't get it done in time, if this week's anything to go by. I've filled this past week with more events and friend catch-ups than I really should have, and both my work and accompanying motivation have seriously suffered.

Add to the fact that I'm gaining weight by the bucket-load (since my parents don't even think about buying tasty treats, whereas when it's my money I'm more restrained. But if they're there, I will eat them.), have dark bags both below AND above my eyes and have developed a confusing sickness whenever I've had a few sips of alcohol this holiday, probably down to exhaustion and an immune system which is running on empty... I'm so ready for this to be over.

Just think of summer. Just think of summer. Just think of summer.

And my (up-to) 7 weeks of unpaid 9-6pm work experience. Holy moley. xo

I need this right now SO BADLY.