Letter #6: Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad

A/N: Late, irrelevant and angry, I know. But this is all I can hash out right now. Bad language ahoy, by the way. Avoid if you wish.

~*~

30 LETTERS PROMPTS:
- Your Best Friend;
- Your Crush;
- Your Parents;
- Your Sibling (or closest relative);
- Your Dreams;
- A Stranger;
- Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush,
- Your Favorite Internet Friend;
- Someone You Wish You Could Meet;
- Someone You Don't Talk to as Much as You'd Like to;
- A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To;
- The Person You Hate the Most/Caused You a Lot of Pain;
- Someone You Wish Could Forgive You;
- The Person You Miss the Most;
- Someone You've Drifted Away From;
- Someone That's Not in Your State/Country;
- Someone From Your Childhood;
- The Person That You Wish You Could Be;
- Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad;
- The One That Broke Your Heart the Hardest;
- Someone You Judged by Their First Impression;
- Someone You Want to Give a Second Chance to;
- The Last Person You Kissed;
- The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory;
- The Person You Know That is Going Through the Worst of Times;
- The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise to;
- The Friendliest Person You Knew For a Day;
- Someone That Changed Your Life;
- The Person That You Want to Tell Everything to, But Too Afraid to;
- Your Reflection in the Mirror.

~*~

-C.

I can’t be ‘the bigger person’ right now. Despite the fact that I always am. Despite the fact that I have been whenever something happens. Anything. I’m always the bigger person. I always make the sacrifice. I always remember. I always care. For anyone, not just you.

But I can’t be the bigger person right now. Because I am basically in the same place as I was last year. And I don’t want to be here. I’ve done this before, and I really, really don’t want to have to do this again.

When you said you wanted out of us I accepted that. Regardless of my nature, it’s not like I really had a choice. You’d already gone ahead without me. So I accepted this, and stood back, and let you sweep past me into the sunset with your new girl.

So how dare you think you can put me through more of this bullshit. How dare you flirt with me. How dare you want to text to me when your girlfriend of almost a fucking year is sleeping right beside you. How dare you remind me of what could have been. Of what should have been.

How dare you say we could have worked, when you were the one to end things.

Hindsight sure is a wonderful thing. Because I am a good person. And we have chemistry. And I have to forcibly stamp down on every damn butterfly that takes flight when I see you through the frosted panes of my front door. And maybe you’re right; maybe we could have worked.

But what gives you the right to jerk me around? Is it because you know I’ll go along with it? You know I only put up a half-hearted fight? Because you know that I will always care for you in some capacity, because you were the first boy to make me think I’d finally found It?

I am exactly where I was one year ago. Checking my phone constantly. Counting the days since I have heard from you. Thinking about you whenever my mind’s not already occupied. Of course, there are new additions. Feeling sick when I realise it’s been a year you’ve been with her. Wanting to smash something when I think of you two loved up in Rome, or wherever you’re going in the summer.

I don’t want to do this. And if you would let yourself admit it, you know what you’re doing is wrong.

I could handle being friends. I couldn’t handle flirtation and talk of the past. So why did you do it? When will you realise that you can’t keep chasing what you don’t have? Jobs, shifts, cars, girls – we are not toys to be traded in when you get bored!

So grow up and decide what the fuck you want. Until then, leave me alone. Because I was fine. I genuinely was. And now I’m not. And it’s your fucking fault.

-D.