Letter #4: Your Ex-bf/gf/crush

30 LETTERS PROMPTS:
- Your Best Friend;
- Your Crush;
- Your Parents;
- Your Sibling (or closest relative);
- Your Dreams;
- A Stranger;
- Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush,
- Your Favorite Internet Friend;
- Someone You Wish You Could Meet;
- Someone You Don't Talk to as Much as You'd Like to;
- A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To;
- The Person You Hate the Most/Caused You a Lot of Pain;
- Someone You Wish Could Forgive You;
- The Person You Miss the Most;
- Someone You've Drifted Away From;
- Someone That's Not in Your State/Country;
- Someone From Your Childhood;
- The Person That You Wish You Could Be;
- Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad;
- The One That Broke Your Heart the Hardest;
- Someone You Judged by Their First Impression;
- Someone You Want to Give a Second Chance to;
- The Last Person You Kissed;
- The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory;
- The Person You Know That is Going Through the Worst of Times;
- The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise to;
- The Friendliest Person You Knew For a Day;
- Someone That Changed Your Life;
- The Person That You Want to Tell Everything to, But Too Afraid to;
- Your Reflection in the Mirror.

~*~

Dear C.,

You always say how sorry you are, and how bad you feel about what happened between us, whenever 'us' comes up. And I'm glad. Happy, even. And if that makes me malicious or vindictive, then I don't really care. Because you deserve to feel bad after what you did to me. You built me up, gave me confidence, made me feel like finally - finally - my time had come. That it was my turn to find someone special.

Only for you to trip me at that last hurdle, with summer finally in sight, and sent me limping off the track.

Admittedly, I have a part to play in it as well. My pedestal-installing, worshiping tendencies emerged, blowing all of the sweet, kind things that you did or said to me (and there were lots) up from normal behaviour to the kind of things that songs are sung about, pictures painted, movies made to capture.

[I really should try and reign in my imagination when it comes to boys. It's not the first time it has stirred trouble.]

But still... no amount of hero-worship or sheer infatuation (damn butterflies) could forgive your sheer... capriciousness towards me. I should have taken it - us - as nothing more than a summer fling, reminiscent of Sandy and Danny's ideal summer. And, like in Grease, when term started and I left for Uni, reality settled in; our summer romance was gone. That boy who I'd met - who made my knees weak and genuinely made me want to call up the Uni and tell them I was taking a gap year - wasn't there. I don't know what happened in the week I was in Italy at the end of summer, but that was it. I broke the spell. That enchantment that was so dependent on me and you being here, together, now. Even at Christmas, something was different... but I pushed that feeling aside to throw myself all-in for a second attempt.

Fool me once, shame on you

Fool me twice, shame on me

It's been seven months since I've seen you. Hard to believe it, but true. I still have your sad (and hungover) smile imprinted in my mind as I stumbled out the door, still dazed from our last kiss and wondering how I was now going to manage to drive. I think I even tripped down the steps. How embarrassing.

It's been six months that you've been with her instead. I remind myself of this when the length of time doesn't seem real. Six months is so concrete.

At the end of the day, I don't regret getting involved with you, or even how it played out, even if it could have ended a lot better. I learnt a lot about myself and what I need in a guy. I need to be able to depend on him, the way I never could on you.

So we'll be friends, since you're apparently oh-so desperate to be. But don't push your luck.

--D. xo