In which Demi debates 'guilty pleasures'.

Is there such a thing? Personally, I don't think there is. I'm only wondering after some excited googling of All Time Low's new album, Dirty Work, which should be coming through my letterbox in just over a week.

To my dismay, the few early reviews haven't been the kindest. There's an overwhelming suggestion of (whisper it) selling out, now that they've scored an Interscope deal. Of trying too many new things. Of moving away from their older style. The "original" fans are clutching their copies of The Party Scene and So Wrong, It's Right, the two albums which slingshotted them onto the mainstream about four years ago, and sharpening their pitchforks to poke holes in the band's "new persona".

Okay, so they're not making exactly the same music anymore. But quite why people are bemoaning so much the more poppy, less punky element to their new releases is quite beyond me. Why people are begrudging the fact that they can imagine half the tracks being regulars on the radio is bizarre to me. Personally, and as a fan of the band from before their second album, I'm so proud of these guys. They've pushed through the swarm of similar other bands, toured like crazy, cultivated a great relationship with fans and a created a fantastic reputation just as a band of guys. Instead of bumming around as teenagers, these guys have been working hard at their music and touring since before they even graduated High School.

Personally, I can't see how that's a bad thing.

But they're not the 20 year olds they were when they wrote gems like Jasey Rae (absolutely gorgeous) and Six Feet Under the Stars and we should accept this. Instead, they are the more mature musicians who, in my opinion, are still producing some fantastic songs - and if they are inadvertantly reaching a wider audience, good for them. In fact, if I were to recommend new listeners to any of their songs, it would be Poison, from their last album, and Painting Flowers, which was written for the album to accompany Disney's new 'Alice in Wonderland'.

Yes, they've changed. Yes, it is a band that is beloved by tweens the world over. And at 19, I probably shouldn't like them as much as I do. But the fantastic thing about music is that we all have completely different tastes. Hence my belief that there is no such thing as a "guilty pleasure". I should probably call my All Time Low love a "guilty pleasure"... but why bother when I can guarentee that their music will be able to cheer me up? When they brighten up boring trips? When they are safe choices when I don't know what to listen to? They are - if absolutely nothing else - the perfect soundtrack to summer, to driving with the window open and the music blaring.

So I will happily play their new single until my housemates are sick of it, because it's definitely helping me wade through these last couple of days of revision. Briiiiiiiing it.

What's your 'not really a guilty pleasure'? xo.

In which Demi can't stop giggling.

 http://damnyouautocorrect.com/

This site is what is getting me through revision, along with regular cups of tea and visions of these lovely men:

The McSteamy VS McDreamy debate is a regular discussion in my house. Personally, I wouldn't say no to either of them, but my inner romantic loves Derek a smidge more. ♥ xo.

In which Demi is bored of Medieval poetry revision.

The title's a pretty good summation of my feelings right now. Which is bad, since it's only my second day of revising it, and I still have a lot to learn before Thursday's exam. Boo.

Did my first exam on Thursday. Didn't go great, and I have myself to blame for that. Note to self: learn to tell time better. A lack of maths lessons in your life is no excuse.

That and some recent boy intervention (not just the ex, also someone equally unavailable) led to the anger than spawned the previous post. In general, I am not an 'angry' person. I am pretty much zen until exams or something come around, where I turn into a bit of a gibbering mess. But anger? Not really me. It takes a lot to get me going, and it was the culmination of months of frustration, topped with the exam mess-up cherry. After a good night's sleep, I'm back to not really caring.... YAY!

In other news, I was recently elected the new PR, Distribution and Social Secretary of my University magazine! WOOHOO! Basically it will be my job to co-ordinate advertising, events, manage the physical distribution of the issues and organise social events for the writers and editors. Yikes. Sounds like a lot, but it was too good an opportunity for PR experience to pass up. I was incredibly nervous during my speech, but since a couple of people in the running dropped out it meant that I got the place, along with another girl on my course, by default. I was then invited to a lovely meal out with all the old and new editors and magazine exec, and despite not knowing many people (and none very well) I had a really nice night.

I thought I'd also throw a couple of pictures in here to comemorate this, partly because (as silly as it sounds) I was super impressed with how my hair came out after using this ballerina bun tutorial from Lauren Conrad's new website, The Beaty Department, which I love. It covers hair and makeup, provides video style tutorials, and all sorts of other awesome stuff. I recommend!

So here were my results with the ballerina bun:

Outfit details: Cardigan - Matalan; Vest - Primark; Jeans - UNIQLO (love love love their jeans!); Shoes - Primark; Bracelets - all presents. 

I was reeeally happy with it! Obviously a few more tries will make it even better, but since I have super long hair at the moment, I love nothing more than tucking it all away out of my face.

More soon. Until then, I'll be entertaining myself with Medieval poetry and regular Grey's Anatomy/ tea breaks. xo.

Letter #6: Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad

A/N: Late, irrelevant and angry, I know. But this is all I can hash out right now. Bad language ahoy, by the way. Avoid if you wish.

~*~

30 LETTERS PROMPTS:
- Your Best Friend;
- Your Crush;
- Your Parents;
- Your Sibling (or closest relative);
- Your Dreams;
- A Stranger;
- Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush,
- Your Favorite Internet Friend;
- Someone You Wish You Could Meet;
- Someone You Don't Talk to as Much as You'd Like to;
- A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To;
- The Person You Hate the Most/Caused You a Lot of Pain;
- Someone You Wish Could Forgive You;
- The Person You Miss the Most;
- Someone You've Drifted Away From;
- Someone That's Not in Your State/Country;
- Someone From Your Childhood;
- The Person That You Wish You Could Be;
- Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad;
- The One That Broke Your Heart the Hardest;
- Someone You Judged by Their First Impression;
- Someone You Want to Give a Second Chance to;
- The Last Person You Kissed;
- The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory;
- The Person You Know That is Going Through the Worst of Times;
- The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise to;
- The Friendliest Person You Knew For a Day;
- Someone That Changed Your Life;
- The Person That You Want to Tell Everything to, But Too Afraid to;
- Your Reflection in the Mirror.

~*~

-C.

I can’t be ‘the bigger person’ right now. Despite the fact that I always am. Despite the fact that I have been whenever something happens. Anything. I’m always the bigger person. I always make the sacrifice. I always remember. I always care. For anyone, not just you.

But I can’t be the bigger person right now. Because I am basically in the same place as I was last year. And I don’t want to be here. I’ve done this before, and I really, really don’t want to have to do this again.

When you said you wanted out of us I accepted that. Regardless of my nature, it’s not like I really had a choice. You’d already gone ahead without me. So I accepted this, and stood back, and let you sweep past me into the sunset with your new girl.

So how dare you think you can put me through more of this bullshit. How dare you flirt with me. How dare you want to text to me when your girlfriend of almost a fucking year is sleeping right beside you. How dare you remind me of what could have been. Of what should have been.

How dare you say we could have worked, when you were the one to end things.

Hindsight sure is a wonderful thing. Because I am a good person. And we have chemistry. And I have to forcibly stamp down on every damn butterfly that takes flight when I see you through the frosted panes of my front door. And maybe you’re right; maybe we could have worked.

But what gives you the right to jerk me around? Is it because you know I’ll go along with it? You know I only put up a half-hearted fight? Because you know that I will always care for you in some capacity, because you were the first boy to make me think I’d finally found It?

I am exactly where I was one year ago. Checking my phone constantly. Counting the days since I have heard from you. Thinking about you whenever my mind’s not already occupied. Of course, there are new additions. Feeling sick when I realise it’s been a year you’ve been with her. Wanting to smash something when I think of you two loved up in Rome, or wherever you’re going in the summer.

I don’t want to do this. And if you would let yourself admit it, you know what you’re doing is wrong.

I could handle being friends. I couldn’t handle flirtation and talk of the past. So why did you do it? When will you realise that you can’t keep chasing what you don’t have? Jobs, shifts, cars, girls – we are not toys to be traded in when you get bored!

So grow up and decide what the fuck you want. Until then, leave me alone. Because I was fine. I genuinely was. And now I’m not. And it’s your fucking fault.

-D.

In which Demi is a lazy sod. But deservingly so. Sortof.

It's midday, and I'm laid in bed with one of my housemates as we lazily trawl the internet for funnies. Lazy, perhaps, but this has been my life for a about a week now, as I bask in post-essay bliss. Unfortunately the fact that I have an exam next week doesn't seem to have fully registered. That notion is sadly lingering outside the house of CBA, knocking fruitlessly on the door in the hope of some attention.

Needless to say, I'm turning the music up louder to drown it out.

I'm not doing absolutely nothing... just less than I probably should be. The essays formed the vast, vast majority of this year's assessments, so my two tiny exams might as well not exist as far as I'm concerned.

Exciting things on the agenda before the end of term: Housemate's birthday; end of exams celebrations; massive mulitple 21-turing bash; Cambridge Uni trip; Grey's Anatomy; chocolate and ice cream; sleep.

It's a hard life being a student... Better post later :) xo.

In which Demi is successful.

11,000 words in 30 days, including all my research. Finished.

Considering the manic panic I had over Christmas, I can't help but feel proud of myself for being so organised (for once); for not compromising on the quality of my work, but not cutting myself off and being a hermit either. I've had a lovely holiday, and even if I don't manage to tip my overall grade from the high 2:1 I'm on now over into a 1st, I'll be happy. Patience is the key! I still have a year left after all.

I hope everyone's enjoying the sun wherever they are :) xo.

In which Demi needs sleep. And more time. And more willpower.

Okay, postitive Demi has well and truly vanished. I'm now facing my biggest, most difficult and time-consuming essay. While it's my last one and only 3000 words, I'm seriously concerned I simply won't get it done in time, if this week's anything to go by. I've filled this past week with more events and friend catch-ups than I really should have, and both my work and accompanying motivation have seriously suffered.

Add to the fact that I'm gaining weight by the bucket-load (since my parents don't even think about buying tasty treats, whereas when it's my money I'm more restrained. But if they're there, I will eat them.), have dark bags both below AND above my eyes and have developed a confusing sickness whenever I've had a few sips of alcohol this holiday, probably down to exhaustion and an immune system which is running on empty... I'm so ready for this to be over.

Just think of summer. Just think of summer. Just think of summer.

And my (up-to) 7 weeks of unpaid 9-6pm work experience. Holy moley. xo

I need this right now SO BADLY.

In which Demi is feeling positive. Yes, really!

Finished my essay last night, which means that I don't have to curtail my plans for today and can have a whooooooooole day off, something that hasn't happened since the first day I got home. A pub lunch followed by intense gaming competitiveness with some friends, then a BBQ (please be sunny, please be sunny, PLEASE  be sunny!) with my girls from high school and some drinks in town. A smashing reward if I do say so myself :)

Two essays left. 6000 words. 22 days left = 272.7 words a day.

I can so do this :) C'mon magic playlist, keep me working!! xo.

In which Demi settles back in.

Back home now until the 4th May-ish. It's been lovely - freshly baked bread most days, cupboards over-flowing with yummy treats I would never normally let myself buy, cuppa-offers almost every hour and the chance to catch up with my family and friends at home. Of course it's not all happy days. For starters my mother is a maaaassive morning person, and will happily come in and open my curtains if I'm not up by 9.30. Yeowch. Slowly remembering how to get back to sleep in bright sunshine (it's a regular occurrence over summer).

Also now missing one tooth, after having it wrenched out by my lovely dentist to make room for a new one. Fabulous. Hel-lo gaping hole in my mouth. Thank God it wasn't closer to the front or there would have been no smiling from me, indefinitely. And that would be bad. Very bad.

Heading into Leeds for my chat/interview (how do you dress for something when you don't quite know what it is?!) with the London PR firm next Thursday, so I'll be brushing up on my past research in time for that. Fingers crossed it goes well.

One essay down, 8,500 more words to go... I consider this alright progress. I've slowed down a little since finishing it, which isn't good, since I wanted to have my second done by Monday/Tuesday but that's starting to look dubious. Lots of late nights are in order if I'm going to fill my days with seeing friends and lazing about with Sky+ (oh how I've missed you!).

Trying to stay calm and focused rather than panicky like I was over Christmas. 8,500 words in 27 days = 315.8 (to be precise) words a day, some of which will be taken up by researching and other stuff, but even so.... I can do this :)

I've got a bunch of songs which are being played repeatedly at the moment to aid inspiration:

I feel like dancin' - All Time Low - I am so bloomin' excited for their new album!
Setting Sun - Eskimo Joe - SO GOOD
Time Bomb - All Time Low
Hang You Up - Yellowcard
If Today Was Your Last Day - Nickelback
Don't Hold Your Breath - Nicole Sherzinger (I feel like I shouldn't like this, but it's so freaking catchy!)
I Do - Colbie Caillat
Wonderwall - covered by Cartel
I Pray Cruel - Furthest Drive Home - saw these guys live years ago and recently found this on Youtube after getting it stuck in my head.

Let the madness commence. xo.

In which Demi starts to panic... again.

Nonononononnononononnonono I was so sure I was on top of everything! I finished one essay 2 weeks early for God's sake!

Why did I do so veryvery little last week?!?!

Suddenly the end of term is looming. Not even on the far horizon, I'll be home in less than a week! And while part of me can't wait, the more sensible side is screaming, raging against the flimsy barriers I put up in my subconscious to drown it out, just for a little while. I worked hard, I deserve a little break, I said.

Fast forward a week and I'm facing 4 weeks and 11,000 words. Yoooooooooooou muppet. Anticipating many, many, many late nights. Gahh.

 Tonight's entertainment.

On the plus side, I now have 3 offers of summer work experience, including the big London-based firm I reallyreallyreally wanted to hear from. Just gotta get through the next 3 months first! xo

In which Demi is thankful.

Some days, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. And it's not always when national disasters are occuring, or when it's my birthday and I get presents and it's very much me-me-me.

Sometimes all it takes is that calm, that peace that I can feel seeping through my veins, collecting in my heart. A warmth that tells me 'You matter.'

That peace can be caused by the simplest of things. Finishing an essay that you're really proud of (2 weeks before the deadline no less). Your mum coming upstairs to check on you, just to chat, to ask if you want a cuppa (the answer is yes, always yes). Your friend letting you curl up on her bed in silence and doze as she works (no questions asked). That same friend running out to the shops to buy biscuits, nice biscuits, and make you a cuppa, just cos she can see you're down (so of course you share your nice European chocolates as a thank you). Sitting in the dark with your four housemates, watching Pretty Woman, laughing, bantering and competing to see how many grapes they can fit in their mouths without spraying grape-juice everywhere (it's happened before).

And I look around, and feel that peace warm my heart, and think that I really am the luckiest girl in the world.

 

xo.

In which Demi dreams of...

http://weheartit.com/entry/7819005

xo.

In which Demi can't stop smiling.

It's been a really great couple of days, and I have a big sappy grin on my face despite the fact I've just sat down and worked out how much we all owe on a batch of house bills which have all arrived at once. Ick, maths and bills. I also currently have exactly 10 windows or tabs open with extra critical reading for the essay I badly need to start. I worked out that even if I bash out 2 of my 5 essays before the Easter break, I'll still have 8,500 words to write over Easter. Guess I'll just have to stamp down on my procrastinating habits hard.

But, despite all that, I've had a great few days.

Yesterday I got to see two of my favourite bands ever (everever) live, and neither of them let me down. I've been waiting to see Yellowcard for something like 5 or 6 years now, and had all but given up hope that they would finish their indefinite hiatus and release new material. I didn't even dare hope to see them tour, but new material would have been a gift. Instead, I nearly died in shock and happiness to see that they had been booked as a support slot for All Time Low. They were fantastic, and I just wish more of the crowd had known of them and got a bit more into it. There was a very dedicated core sector in the centre, and oh how I wished I could join them in their mad dancing and jumping. For the billionth time I cursed myself for doing that stupid ski jump years ago that left my knee damaged and unable to cope with mad bouncing, or even sitting in a cinema or on a plane for too long.

All Time Low were the best I've ever seen them as well; having seen them in a support slot and as one of the many rushed slots at Leeds Fest 2 years ago, I loved to see them play a whole range of their material and take some rests to chat and banter with the crowd and each other. I'm pretty sure I deafened one of my housemates during their set I was singing so loud. Seeing Alex performing Remembering Sunday and catching his pick at the end (well, technically scooping it excitedly off the floor after it bounced off my chest and the shock wore off) made my day.

What makes these two bands stand out to me is a mixture of their lyrical talent and awesome guitar riffs. I'm a sucker for catchy riffs, and Yellowcard have some of the most intricate and rememberable riffs I know. They both have songs which literally pour out emotion; I felt a little choked up during Believe by Yellowcard, because it was wasted on much of the audience who had no idea it was written about the brave firefighters who lost their lives in 9/11. And Jasey Rae, Poison, Therapy, Painting Flowers, Remembering Sunday... there are too many of ATL's lyrical ability to list.

Today was lovely too. I got to catch up with one of my friends who I have drifted away from - both his fault and mine - and watch Beauty and the Beast with my housemates, like the childish girls we are (see the shrieking and wrestling that occured shortly before as one hid the phone of the other for proof...)

More importantly, I received an email from one of the companies I've queried about summer work experience. An acceptance. An affirmation that I am, in fact, worth trying out, taking a chance on. My first step into the real world of PR.

So with this random assortment of musings, I'll take my leave for bed. xo.

In which Demi dips her toe in the PR pool.

I've just sent off my first message regarding a potential PR internship or work experience over the summer to my ideal company. They're clearly very up-to-date, funky and have an extremely impressive arrray of clients. Even better, it's actually a branch of a huge London firm that's opened 'oop North' in the last few years, much to my delight (as much as a London placement would be great, it would be far too expensive to get there, never mind stay there.) I'm a jittery mess; partly because I want to work there so much, and partly because it's my first steps into real adulthood, in the way that my 18th was more of a drunken stumble...

It's the first real stepping stone into a job post-University. The idea of being finished at University, shelving all of my books and essays and highlighters, and suiting up for work every day makes me simultaneously shiver with excitement and fear.

Excitement, because I really do, genuinely, think I would be great at PR.

Fear because graduation is the last boundary I must cross from 'youth' to 'adult'. And I can only hope that in 18 months or so I will feel slightly more prepared for that eventuality than I do right now.

In which Demi regresses. In a good way.

Cultivating a bordering-on-unhealthy love for Zachary Levi after seeing the awesomely amazing Tangled this weekend. Me and my friend sat absolutely enthalled, ocassionally squealing and grabbing one another's sleeve, whilst being shot confused looks by the mother sat beside us. I couldn't care less. Tangled made me fall in love with Disney again. It takes the best parts of the old Disney films - the magic, the singing, the slapstick - and mixes it with witty humour and graphics that literally left me speechless. The lantern scene was simply breath-taking.

Since then I've been listening to the soundtrack, watching hilarious interviews with the cast and listening to this gorgeous duet with Katherine McPhee pretty much on repeat.

Excited to go home this weekend and continue this childish feeling :) Sometimes it's easy to forget that really I'm still pretty young. I think I'm allowed to maintain childish fantasies every once in a while. Real life can wait a bit longer. xo.

In which Demi wants...

A bengal kitten. Yes please <3

And I'd quite like my tutors to be good this term. Especially my Nordic Nightmare of a tutor's replacement in Medieval Englishes. Guess I'll find out tomorrow.... sorry, make that today. xo.

Letter #5: Your Parents

30 LETTERS PROMPTS:
- Your Best Friend;
- Your Crush;
- Your Parents;
- Your Sibling (or closest relative);
- Your Dreams;
- A Stranger;
- Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush,
- Your Favorite Internet Friend;
- Someone You Wish You Could Meet;
- Someone You Don't Talk to as Much as You'd Like to;
- A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To;
- The Person You Hate the Most/Caused You a Lot of Pain;
- Someone You Wish Could Forgive You;
- The Person You Miss the Most;
- Someone You've Drifted Away From;
- Someone That's Not in Your State/Country;
- Someone From Your Childhood;
- The Person That You Wish You Could Be;
- Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad;
- The One That Broke Your Heart the Hardest;
- Someone You Judged by Their First Impression;
- Someone You Want to Give a Second Chance to;
- The Last Person You Kissed;
- The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory;
- The Person You Know That is Going Through the Worst of Times;
- The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise to;
- The Friendliest Person You Knew For a Day;
- Someone That Changed Your Life;
- The Person That You Want to Tell Everything to, But Too Afraid to;
- Your Reflection in the Mirror.

~*~

Dear Mum & Dad,

I'm sure this will be a short letter because there is no real way to describe, in words at least, how much you both mean to me. Then again, I doubt I'd have much better luck in any other form of communication. Interpretative dance? Painting? Song? No chance.

Not only is the incredible bond I feel between us indescribable, it's also overwhelming. It's huge. If I were made up of puzzle pieces, each stamped with the name of a person who has shaped who I am today, I can guarentee your pieces would form the biggest part of me, by a long way.

Mum, I tell you everything. My friends find it bizarre, but the idea of keeping something from you makes me itch. We gossip, we chat nonsense, you keep me up to date with goings-on at home. I trust you more than anyone else on this earth, because I know that you know me better than anyone. You're my best friend, my advisor, my confidante, my amazing mother.

Dad, you are the person I aspire to be. It may seem lazy to aspire to be like someone so close to me... but I don't care. Because you would be an ideal role-model regardless. Through hard-work and determination (and a touch of control-freakishness which you bequeathed to me) you have carved out a life for yourself that is a world away from the situation you were born into. Yet you're always reminding me to have fun as well. To play as hard as I work, but not to be wasteful. And I know that no matter what problem or question that I have, you take the time to listen to me and give answering it a shot.

You balance each other perfectly, and have given me the stable, happy home life that many people dream of. A solid marriage of almost 25 years founded on mutual respect and love. I genuinely consider myself honoured to be the proud daughter of two such amazing people.

I love you both with all my heart, forever,

Your daughter xo.

In which Demi gives in to the inevitable.

Preeeeetty damn sure I am doomed to fail my last exam. Old English is far too similar to German, which reduced me to a gooey pile of desperation to understand and teeth-gnashing in High School. Also the fact that I am feeling far more creatively inclined than I have in a very long time, and I'm finding it hard to concentrate. Reading The God of Small Things for my Literature class, and Roy's narrative is compelling, foreign and exquisitely enticing. Enjoying it far more than my last read, The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks. Crazy man.

Currently checking out a host of new music. Sky Ferreira's on at the mo, pretty impressive voice, not sure about rememberability. Murray James' voice on the other hand was beautiful, if only he had more tracks (or even full ones) up online somewhere.

I need a cuppa, as always... xo.

In which Demi can breathe again.

All done. All 8000 words, done.

Now I just have to edit them all, bibliographies and print. Fab.

Back to Uni tomorrow :) I know I say this every term/year, but I really, REALLY do not want to be as unprepared and stressed as I was this holiday, and since I know ahead of time what my assessments are now, I can say:

I WILL WORK HARD THIS TERM. I WILL NOT GET INTO SUCH A STATE EVER AGAIN. EVER.

xo.

In which Demi is (or at least tries to be) mellower.

I've been stressing about a lot of things this holiday. Uni work, reading, writing, people, me.

Today... I'm going to push that aside and just do what I always used to do best.

Get on with the job.

xo.