In which Demi needs sleep. And more time. And more willpower.

Okay, postitive Demi has well and truly vanished. I'm now facing my biggest, most difficult and time-consuming essay. While it's my last one and only 3000 words, I'm seriously concerned I simply won't get it done in time, if this week's anything to go by. I've filled this past week with more events and friend catch-ups than I really should have, and both my work and accompanying motivation have seriously suffered.

Add to the fact that I'm gaining weight by the bucket-load (since my parents don't even think about buying tasty treats, whereas when it's my money I'm more restrained. But if they're there, I will eat them.), have dark bags both below AND above my eyes and have developed a confusing sickness whenever I've had a few sips of alcohol this holiday, probably down to exhaustion and an immune system which is running on empty... I'm so ready for this to be over.

Just think of summer. Just think of summer. Just think of summer.

And my (up-to) 7 weeks of unpaid 9-6pm work experience. Holy moley. xo

I need this right now SO BADLY.

In which Demi is feeling positive. Yes, really!

Finished my essay last night, which means that I don't have to curtail my plans for today and can have a whooooooooole day off, something that hasn't happened since the first day I got home. A pub lunch followed by intense gaming competitiveness with some friends, then a BBQ (please be sunny, please be sunny, PLEASE  be sunny!) with my girls from high school and some drinks in town. A smashing reward if I do say so myself :)

Two essays left. 6000 words. 22 days left = 272.7 words a day.

I can so do this :) C'mon magic playlist, keep me working!! xo.

In which Demi settles back in.

Back home now until the 4th May-ish. It's been lovely - freshly baked bread most days, cupboards over-flowing with yummy treats I would never normally let myself buy, cuppa-offers almost every hour and the chance to catch up with my family and friends at home. Of course it's not all happy days. For starters my mother is a maaaassive morning person, and will happily come in and open my curtains if I'm not up by 9.30. Yeowch. Slowly remembering how to get back to sleep in bright sunshine (it's a regular occurrence over summer).

Also now missing one tooth, after having it wrenched out by my lovely dentist to make room for a new one. Fabulous. Hel-lo gaping hole in my mouth. Thank God it wasn't closer to the front or there would have been no smiling from me, indefinitely. And that would be bad. Very bad.

Heading into Leeds for my chat/interview (how do you dress for something when you don't quite know what it is?!) with the London PR firm next Thursday, so I'll be brushing up on my past research in time for that. Fingers crossed it goes well.

One essay down, 8,500 more words to go... I consider this alright progress. I've slowed down a little since finishing it, which isn't good, since I wanted to have my second done by Monday/Tuesday but that's starting to look dubious. Lots of late nights are in order if I'm going to fill my days with seeing friends and lazing about with Sky+ (oh how I've missed you!).

Trying to stay calm and focused rather than panicky like I was over Christmas. 8,500 words in 27 days = 315.8 (to be precise) words a day, some of which will be taken up by researching and other stuff, but even so.... I can do this :)

I've got a bunch of songs which are being played repeatedly at the moment to aid inspiration:

I feel like dancin' - All Time Low - I am so bloomin' excited for their new album!
Setting Sun - Eskimo Joe - SO GOOD
Time Bomb - All Time Low
Hang You Up - Yellowcard
If Today Was Your Last Day - Nickelback
Don't Hold Your Breath - Nicole Sherzinger (I feel like I shouldn't like this, but it's so freaking catchy!)
I Do - Colbie Caillat
Wonderwall - covered by Cartel
I Pray Cruel - Furthest Drive Home - saw these guys live years ago and recently found this on Youtube after getting it stuck in my head.

Let the madness commence. xo.

In which Demi starts to panic... again.

Nonononononnononononnonono I was so sure I was on top of everything! I finished one essay 2 weeks early for God's sake!

Why did I do so veryvery little last week?!?!

Suddenly the end of term is looming. Not even on the far horizon, I'll be home in less than a week! And while part of me can't wait, the more sensible side is screaming, raging against the flimsy barriers I put up in my subconscious to drown it out, just for a little while. I worked hard, I deserve a little break, I said.

Fast forward a week and I'm facing 4 weeks and 11,000 words. Yoooooooooooou muppet. Anticipating many, many, many late nights. Gahh.

 Tonight's entertainment.

On the plus side, I now have 3 offers of summer work experience, including the big London-based firm I reallyreallyreally wanted to hear from. Just gotta get through the next 3 months first! xo

In which Demi is thankful.

Some days, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. And it's not always when national disasters are occuring, or when it's my birthday and I get presents and it's very much me-me-me.

Sometimes all it takes is that calm, that peace that I can feel seeping through my veins, collecting in my heart. A warmth that tells me 'You matter.'

That peace can be caused by the simplest of things. Finishing an essay that you're really proud of (2 weeks before the deadline no less). Your mum coming upstairs to check on you, just to chat, to ask if you want a cuppa (the answer is yes, always yes). Your friend letting you curl up on her bed in silence and doze as she works (no questions asked). That same friend running out to the shops to buy biscuits, nice biscuits, and make you a cuppa, just cos she can see you're down (so of course you share your nice European chocolates as a thank you). Sitting in the dark with your four housemates, watching Pretty Woman, laughing, bantering and competing to see how many grapes they can fit in their mouths without spraying grape-juice everywhere (it's happened before).

And I look around, and feel that peace warm my heart, and think that I really am the luckiest girl in the world.

 

xo.

In which Demi dreams of...

http://weheartit.com/entry/7819005

xo.

In which Demi can't stop smiling.

It's been a really great couple of days, and I have a big sappy grin on my face despite the fact I've just sat down and worked out how much we all owe on a batch of house bills which have all arrived at once. Ick, maths and bills. I also currently have exactly 10 windows or tabs open with extra critical reading for the essay I badly need to start. I worked out that even if I bash out 2 of my 5 essays before the Easter break, I'll still have 8,500 words to write over Easter. Guess I'll just have to stamp down on my procrastinating habits hard.

But, despite all that, I've had a great few days.

Yesterday I got to see two of my favourite bands ever (everever) live, and neither of them let me down. I've been waiting to see Yellowcard for something like 5 or 6 years now, and had all but given up hope that they would finish their indefinite hiatus and release new material. I didn't even dare hope to see them tour, but new material would have been a gift. Instead, I nearly died in shock and happiness to see that they had been booked as a support slot for All Time Low. They were fantastic, and I just wish more of the crowd had known of them and got a bit more into it. There was a very dedicated core sector in the centre, and oh how I wished I could join them in their mad dancing and jumping. For the billionth time I cursed myself for doing that stupid ski jump years ago that left my knee damaged and unable to cope with mad bouncing, or even sitting in a cinema or on a plane for too long.

All Time Low were the best I've ever seen them as well; having seen them in a support slot and as one of the many rushed slots at Leeds Fest 2 years ago, I loved to see them play a whole range of their material and take some rests to chat and banter with the crowd and each other. I'm pretty sure I deafened one of my housemates during their set I was singing so loud. Seeing Alex performing Remembering Sunday and catching his pick at the end (well, technically scooping it excitedly off the floor after it bounced off my chest and the shock wore off) made my day.

What makes these two bands stand out to me is a mixture of their lyrical talent and awesome guitar riffs. I'm a sucker for catchy riffs, and Yellowcard have some of the most intricate and rememberable riffs I know. They both have songs which literally pour out emotion; I felt a little choked up during Believe by Yellowcard, because it was wasted on much of the audience who had no idea it was written about the brave firefighters who lost their lives in 9/11. And Jasey Rae, Poison, Therapy, Painting Flowers, Remembering Sunday... there are too many of ATL's lyrical ability to list.

Today was lovely too. I got to catch up with one of my friends who I have drifted away from - both his fault and mine - and watch Beauty and the Beast with my housemates, like the childish girls we are (see the shrieking and wrestling that occured shortly before as one hid the phone of the other for proof...)

More importantly, I received an email from one of the companies I've queried about summer work experience. An acceptance. An affirmation that I am, in fact, worth trying out, taking a chance on. My first step into the real world of PR.

So with this random assortment of musings, I'll take my leave for bed. xo.

In which Demi dips her toe in the PR pool.

I've just sent off my first message regarding a potential PR internship or work experience over the summer to my ideal company. They're clearly very up-to-date, funky and have an extremely impressive arrray of clients. Even better, it's actually a branch of a huge London firm that's opened 'oop North' in the last few years, much to my delight (as much as a London placement would be great, it would be far too expensive to get there, never mind stay there.) I'm a jittery mess; partly because I want to work there so much, and partly because it's my first steps into real adulthood, in the way that my 18th was more of a drunken stumble...

It's the first real stepping stone into a job post-University. The idea of being finished at University, shelving all of my books and essays and highlighters, and suiting up for work every day makes me simultaneously shiver with excitement and fear.

Excitement, because I really do, genuinely, think I would be great at PR.

Fear because graduation is the last boundary I must cross from 'youth' to 'adult'. And I can only hope that in 18 months or so I will feel slightly more prepared for that eventuality than I do right now.

In which Demi regresses. In a good way.

Cultivating a bordering-on-unhealthy love for Zachary Levi after seeing the awesomely amazing Tangled this weekend. Me and my friend sat absolutely enthalled, ocassionally squealing and grabbing one another's sleeve, whilst being shot confused looks by the mother sat beside us. I couldn't care less. Tangled made me fall in love with Disney again. It takes the best parts of the old Disney films - the magic, the singing, the slapstick - and mixes it with witty humour and graphics that literally left me speechless. The lantern scene was simply breath-taking.

Since then I've been listening to the soundtrack, watching hilarious interviews with the cast and listening to this gorgeous duet with Katherine McPhee pretty much on repeat.

Excited to go home this weekend and continue this childish feeling :) Sometimes it's easy to forget that really I'm still pretty young. I think I'm allowed to maintain childish fantasies every once in a while. Real life can wait a bit longer. xo.

In which Demi wants...

A bengal kitten. Yes please <3

And I'd quite like my tutors to be good this term. Especially my Nordic Nightmare of a tutor's replacement in Medieval Englishes. Guess I'll find out tomorrow.... sorry, make that today. xo.

Letter #5: Your Parents

30 LETTERS PROMPTS:
- Your Best Friend;
- Your Crush;
- Your Parents;
- Your Sibling (or closest relative);
- Your Dreams;
- A Stranger;
- Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush,
- Your Favorite Internet Friend;
- Someone You Wish You Could Meet;
- Someone You Don't Talk to as Much as You'd Like to;
- A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To;
- The Person You Hate the Most/Caused You a Lot of Pain;
- Someone You Wish Could Forgive You;
- The Person You Miss the Most;
- Someone You've Drifted Away From;
- Someone That's Not in Your State/Country;
- Someone From Your Childhood;
- The Person That You Wish You Could Be;
- Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad;
- The One That Broke Your Heart the Hardest;
- Someone You Judged by Their First Impression;
- Someone You Want to Give a Second Chance to;
- The Last Person You Kissed;
- The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory;
- The Person You Know That is Going Through the Worst of Times;
- The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise to;
- The Friendliest Person You Knew For a Day;
- Someone That Changed Your Life;
- The Person That You Want to Tell Everything to, But Too Afraid to;
- Your Reflection in the Mirror.

~*~

Dear Mum & Dad,

I'm sure this will be a short letter because there is no real way to describe, in words at least, how much you both mean to me. Then again, I doubt I'd have much better luck in any other form of communication. Interpretative dance? Painting? Song? No chance.

Not only is the incredible bond I feel between us indescribable, it's also overwhelming. It's huge. If I were made up of puzzle pieces, each stamped with the name of a person who has shaped who I am today, I can guarentee your pieces would form the biggest part of me, by a long way.

Mum, I tell you everything. My friends find it bizarre, but the idea of keeping something from you makes me itch. We gossip, we chat nonsense, you keep me up to date with goings-on at home. I trust you more than anyone else on this earth, because I know that you know me better than anyone. You're my best friend, my advisor, my confidante, my amazing mother.

Dad, you are the person I aspire to be. It may seem lazy to aspire to be like someone so close to me... but I don't care. Because you would be an ideal role-model regardless. Through hard-work and determination (and a touch of control-freakishness which you bequeathed to me) you have carved out a life for yourself that is a world away from the situation you were born into. Yet you're always reminding me to have fun as well. To play as hard as I work, but not to be wasteful. And I know that no matter what problem or question that I have, you take the time to listen to me and give answering it a shot.

You balance each other perfectly, and have given me the stable, happy home life that many people dream of. A solid marriage of almost 25 years founded on mutual respect and love. I genuinely consider myself honoured to be the proud daughter of two such amazing people.

I love you both with all my heart, forever,

Your daughter xo.

In which Demi gives in to the inevitable.

Preeeeetty damn sure I am doomed to fail my last exam. Old English is far too similar to German, which reduced me to a gooey pile of desperation to understand and teeth-gnashing in High School. Also the fact that I am feeling far more creatively inclined than I have in a very long time, and I'm finding it hard to concentrate. Reading The God of Small Things for my Literature class, and Roy's narrative is compelling, foreign and exquisitely enticing. Enjoying it far more than my last read, The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks. Crazy man.

Currently checking out a host of new music. Sky Ferreira's on at the mo, pretty impressive voice, not sure about rememberability. Murray James' voice on the other hand was beautiful, if only he had more tracks (or even full ones) up online somewhere.

I need a cuppa, as always... xo.

In which Demi can breathe again.

All done. All 8000 words, done.

Now I just have to edit them all, bibliographies and print. Fab.

Back to Uni tomorrow :) I know I say this every term/year, but I really, REALLY do not want to be as unprepared and stressed as I was this holiday, and since I know ahead of time what my assessments are now, I can say:

I WILL WORK HARD THIS TERM. I WILL NOT GET INTO SUCH A STATE EVER AGAIN. EVER.

xo.

In which Demi is (or at least tries to be) mellower.

I've been stressing about a lot of things this holiday. Uni work, reading, writing, people, me.

Today... I'm going to push that aside and just do what I always used to do best.

Get on with the job.

xo.

In which Demi wonders

At what point in this year did Uni work go from interesting to the bane of my existance?

I had a meltdown before I'd even go out of bed today. My mum took pity on me and drew my curtains again. Dad came in and asked me how bad the situation would be if I just... didn't do my last essay?

Bad, Dad. Very bad, is the answer.

I emerged from my cocoon around 4pm, and have since armed myself with chocolate and tea to try again. An hour and a half later, I am yet to write a word.

Setting 8000 words, even over a 4 week period, with an extra 2 exams to revise for, is just asking for shoddy quality essays. It's inevitable. There is simply nothing left in me. No energy. No creativity. Nothing. I'm spent. And still 2000 words to go.

Easter will be interesting. 14,000 words worth of essays to keep me entertained.

I really wish someone would jump out and yell "punk'd" already... xo

Letter #4: Your Ex-bf/gf/crush

30 LETTERS PROMPTS:
- Your Best Friend;
- Your Crush;
- Your Parents;
- Your Sibling (or closest relative);
- Your Dreams;
- A Stranger;
- Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush,
- Your Favorite Internet Friend;
- Someone You Wish You Could Meet;
- Someone You Don't Talk to as Much as You'd Like to;
- A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To;
- The Person You Hate the Most/Caused You a Lot of Pain;
- Someone You Wish Could Forgive You;
- The Person You Miss the Most;
- Someone You've Drifted Away From;
- Someone That's Not in Your State/Country;
- Someone From Your Childhood;
- The Person That You Wish You Could Be;
- Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad;
- The One That Broke Your Heart the Hardest;
- Someone You Judged by Their First Impression;
- Someone You Want to Give a Second Chance to;
- The Last Person You Kissed;
- The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory;
- The Person You Know That is Going Through the Worst of Times;
- The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise to;
- The Friendliest Person You Knew For a Day;
- Someone That Changed Your Life;
- The Person That You Want to Tell Everything to, But Too Afraid to;
- Your Reflection in the Mirror.

~*~

Dear C.,

You always say how sorry you are, and how bad you feel about what happened between us, whenever 'us' comes up. And I'm glad. Happy, even. And if that makes me malicious or vindictive, then I don't really care. Because you deserve to feel bad after what you did to me. You built me up, gave me confidence, made me feel like finally - finally - my time had come. That it was my turn to find someone special.

Only for you to trip me at that last hurdle, with summer finally in sight, and sent me limping off the track.

Admittedly, I have a part to play in it as well. My pedestal-installing, worshiping tendencies emerged, blowing all of the sweet, kind things that you did or said to me (and there were lots) up from normal behaviour to the kind of things that songs are sung about, pictures painted, movies made to capture.

[I really should try and reign in my imagination when it comes to boys. It's not the first time it has stirred trouble.]

But still... no amount of hero-worship or sheer infatuation (damn butterflies) could forgive your sheer... capriciousness towards me. I should have taken it - us - as nothing more than a summer fling, reminiscent of Sandy and Danny's ideal summer. And, like in Grease, when term started and I left for Uni, reality settled in; our summer romance was gone. That boy who I'd met - who made my knees weak and genuinely made me want to call up the Uni and tell them I was taking a gap year - wasn't there. I don't know what happened in the week I was in Italy at the end of summer, but that was it. I broke the spell. That enchantment that was so dependent on me and you being here, together, now. Even at Christmas, something was different... but I pushed that feeling aside to throw myself all-in for a second attempt.

Fool me once, shame on you

Fool me twice, shame on me

It's been seven months since I've seen you. Hard to believe it, but true. I still have your sad (and hungover) smile imprinted in my mind as I stumbled out the door, still dazed from our last kiss and wondering how I was now going to manage to drive. I think I even tripped down the steps. How embarrassing.

It's been six months that you've been with her instead. I remind myself of this when the length of time doesn't seem real. Six months is so concrete.

At the end of the day, I don't regret getting involved with you, or even how it played out, even if it could have ended a lot better. I learnt a lot about myself and what I need in a guy. I need to be able to depend on him, the way I never could on you.

So we'll be friends, since you're apparently oh-so desperate to be. But don't push your luck.

--D. xo

Boy Meets Girl

Why can it not be this easy for me? Why now? And why him?

[I realise this seems to totally be counteractive to the last post. And I am not happy]

Letter #3 : Your Crush

30 LETTERS PROMPTS:
- Your Best Friend;
- Your Crush;
- Your Parents;
- Your Sibling (or closest relative);
- Your Dreams;
- A Stranger;
- Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush,
- Your Favorite Internet Friend;
- Someone You Wish You Could Meet;
- Someone You Don't Talk to as Much as You'd Like to;
- A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To;
- The Person You Hate the Most/Caused You a Lot of Pain;
- Someone You Wish Could Forgive You;
- The Person You Miss the Most;
- Someone You've Drifted Away From;
- Someone That's Not in Your State/Country;
- Someone From Your Childhood;
- The Person That You Wish You Could Be;
- Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad;
- The One That Broke Your Heart the Hardest;
- Someone You Judged by Their First Impression;
- Someone You Want to Give a Second Chance to;
- The Last Person You Kissed;
- The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory;
- The Person You Know That is Going Through the Worst of Times;
- The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise to;
- The Friendliest Person You Knew For a Day;
- Someone That Changed Your Life;
- The Person That You Want to Tell Everything to, But Too Afraid to;
- Your Reflection in the Mirror.

~*~

Dear Tall, Skinny, Blond boys everywhere,

I know this letter is supposed to be directed to a singular person, but I couldn't help but bend the rules a little. Because (and I know my housemates will scoff at me when they read this) for once in my life, I am crush-less. It's a very strange feeling. I've become known for my intense crushes, which last for far longer than 'crushes' should probably last. All, inevitably, boys who either would never like me back or, in the latest case, simply don't like me enough. 

But I'm a sucker for romance. For idealism. For building up a person in my head, no matter how often I see their realities, and projecting my affection onto the image I have so carefully cultivated, rather than the flawed human being I should be.

(Does that make me shallow?)

It's a hard habit to break, one that I can't seem to. For every missed call or disappointing response, I'm there with an excuse. Oh, he's busy. Oh, he's just distracted. Oh, you shouldn't have bothered him. I'm willing to become the bad guy in my own eyes, just to cover up their mistakes. And I'm finally, finally sick of it.

I don't want to be the only one who tries. I don't want to carry on caring for someone who has lost interest - or worse, had none in the first place. I don't want to be the one you call only when you need something. 

(Sew your own damn buttons on.)

So for now, I'm crushless. Happy to admire strangers passing on the way to Uni and flirt a little in clubs, sure. But I don't have the energy to invest so much feeling in an idol right now.

So, Tall, Skinny, Blond boys of Nottingham, here's your challenge: make me believe you care. Until then, I'll be waiting patiently. I have Gossip Girl and Grey's Anatomy to keep me entertained.

Love, Demi xo

Letter #2 : The Last Person You Kissed

A/N: I realise that this letter is A) breaking the order and B) also a  week late, but I thought I'd write this one before anything changed. Pretty sure it'll be funnier this way ;)

~*~

30 LETTERS PROMPTS:
- Your Best Friend;
- Your Crush;
- Your Parents;
- Your Sibling (or closest relative);
- Your Dreams;
- A Stranger;
- Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush,
- Your Favorite Internet Friend;
- Someone You Wish You Could Meet;
- Someone You Don't Talk to as Much as You'd Like to;
- A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To;
- The Person You Hate the Most/Caused You a Lot of Pain;
- Someone You Wish Could Forgive You;
- The Person You Miss the Most;
- Someone You've Drifted Away From;
- Someone That's Not in Your State/Country;
- Someone From Your Childhood;
- The Person That You Wish You Could Be;
- Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad;
- The One That Broke Your Heart the Hardest;
- Someone You Judged by Their First Impression;
- Someone You Want to Give a Second Chance to;
- The Last Person You Kissed;
- The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory;
- The Person You Know That is Going Through the Worst of Times;
- The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise to;
- The Friendliest Person You Knew For a Day;
- Someone That Changed Your Life;
- The Person That You Want to Tell Everything to, But Too Afraid to;
- Your Reflection in the Mirror.

~*~

My dear Pineapple,

What can I say? That you threw me off-guard? That I'd never in my wildest dreams anticipated that you'd ever go for me? That you were my first?

All that and more.

You're not my usual pick when I'm out, I'll be honest. I normally favour tall, blonde and skinny, and while you definitely have skinny sorted, your short stature and longer brown hair slipped unnoticed on my radar. But not for long.

Things had been quietly building for a while. Amourous nicknames. An attack from a certain genital-shaped egg-frier. Housemates wondering where all the noise is coming from, only to walk in and find us in bed (GASP) together. I should have seen it coming. But at the same time, I never thought you'd bridge that last gap. I guess that Dutch courage actually worked.

I didn't have a say in the matter, I'd like to point out. The music was thumping, Ocean was packed, and we were dancing small holes into the (disgusting) carpet. Out of nowhere, your hand snakes into vision and cups my chin (rather painfully so, might I add), until I'm facing you. Only that doesn't really register because you're kissing me.

And then it's over.

You revealed later that I was your first as well. I guess that's some small mercy. Good to know I wasn't the only one to lose my girl-kiss virginity.

Love, your Strawberry Cheesecake

Letter #1: To Your Best Friend

30 LETTERS PROMPTS:
- Your Best Friend;
- Your Crush;
- Your Parents;
- Your Sibling (or closest relative);
- Your Dreams;
- A Stranger;
- Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush,
- Your Favorite Internet Friend;
- Someone You Wish You Could Meet;
- Someone You Don't Talk to as Much as You'd Like to;
- A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To;
- The Person You Hate the Most/Caused You a Lot of Pain;
- Someone You Wish Could Forgive You;
- The Person You Miss the Most;
- Someone You've Drifted Away From;
- Someone That's Not in Your State/Country;
- Someone From Your Childhood;
- The Person That You Wish You Could Be;
- Someone That Pesters Your Mind - Good or Bad;
- The One That Broke Your Heart the Hardest;
- Someone You Judged by Their First Impression;
- Someone You Want to Give a Second Chance to;
- The Last Person You Kissed;
- The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory;
- The Person You Know That is Going Through the Worst of Times;
- The Last Person You Made a Pinky Promise to;
- The Friendliest Person You Knew For a Day;
- Someone That Changed Your Life;
- The Person That You Want to Tell Everything to, But Too Afraid to;
- Your Reflection in the Mirror.

~~*~~

Dear Elf,

When I think of you, the first thing that springs to mind is not your face (as lovely as it is). It's an N64. Your royal blue, Pikachu-emblazoned N64 to be precise.

(I guess it's a sign that we never really grew up, huh?)

The ironic thing is that we have grown up - an awful lot. Life may have been a hell of a lot easier when we were eight, but I would never choose to throw away these last eleven years to go back to that. Like two trees, planted too close together, we've grown; intertwining branches until inextricable. Until it feels like I'm missing a piece of me when we're separated too long; a gaping hole of laughter and singing and you trying to reason your way out of a situation with "Welllll, yeahhh, but..."

It always makes me giggle a little bit when you pronounce 'well' like 'wool' by the way. Internally of course.

We have strategic formulas, our own personal brand of maths. Me + You + (2 x cuppa tea) = -2hrs + 50% sarcasm + wisdom. Or (2 x competative girls) + some form of Nintendo console = -6hrs + volume > parents would like. And so on.

(That little bit of maths almost killed my poor brain by the way. I'll let you stick to the sciences, even if it is only the social ones).

You were always the more mature one in some ways. While I was still being mistaken for my younger sister and diligently doing my homework, you were at T's mad house parties, calling me up with laments of your latest exploits. You were always trying new things, always the first to do anything, so I always looked to you for guidance. The older one, the mature one. How ironic that I should be the one that you, even now, seek advice from, despite my naivity. When we were younger I always believed we were practically identical. Soul sisters. Now older and (hopefully) wiser, I can see I was actually quite wrong - but not necessarily in a bad way.

You like all the alcohols I hate. You're studying Psychology, juggling stats and biology, while I bury my head in more books with English. You jump into situations head first, while I dither and dip my toe in, one inch at a time.

But we still work. The sums still add up.

You inspire me to be more daring, to be independent. And hopefully it's my voice whispering in your ear when faced with sticky situations. If not, it doesn't matter. There's always the phone.

You're the yin to my yang. I don't know how else to put it. Don't ever change.

Love, Blindman.